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GRE作文的遣词造句(二)

2005-11-23 00:00寄托天下

  我对于ETS一篇没有写完的范文的一点粗浅的看法

  思想性方面有很多人也评论过了~我仅仅对于其中的词句有自己的一点点看法。"The media (books, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society."

  6——For our grandparents it occurred注意:人家用的事occur而不是take place or happen through films and books. For the baby boomers婴儿潮~对于非美国人不熟悉其文化对于这个历史背景并不了解~但是~baby boomer其实替换了our parents 避免和grandparents类似 it was a result of television and revolutionary并不直接说music而是加上了一个强烈的形容词~表示音乐对于人的影响是巨大的~为后问的观点作铺垫 music. No matter how the impact小词~出现并不是不好~但是人家后面就在很后面再 用了一次 took place, it is clear that since its very advent很明显advent替换了beginning/start甚至连threshold都没有用~而是一个名词~可见作者对于用词是非常讲究的, the media have played a crucial同样~一个小小的形容词 role in not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well.作者把not only but also的句型改变成为not simply but很明显为了区别这个短语。这一段中,作者引题用了两个for,for的对称的句子并且对于媒体并没有说出来~no matter一个很简单的让步~但是后面it is ……用了非常精当的"开始"的名词形式的同义变换advent,在play role短语后面连接了not only but also的改变的形式~组装出精炼的句子表达出自己的意见。

  During the roaring twenties Americans found themselves in a struggle这个词用得不错!表示了一种困境~但是如果作者运用比喻说: trapped in the abyss of struggling我觉得可能会更加好 between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future. The once steadfast看到了吧。作者不用firm而是用了steadfast beliefs that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being challenged巧妙!belief用了一个同位语从句~两个句子连接在一起不单只不觉得累赘~而且非常通顺~显示了作者非常好的句子的多变~而且由于是belief作者后面用了challenged充分的为大环境作铺垫. From where was all this rebellion stemming?作者来了一个设问句~很多同学喜欢在开头的地方设问~restate~效果并不好~但是这里作者用了一个短句设问~用到了rebellion stemming的比喻!可以看到作者对于修辞也有非常地道的见解 Partly it was due to作者没有运用我讨厌的because of the returning一个名词形式作为修饰词 doughboys from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war用到了一个俚语doughboys~而后面不直接说从欧洲的战场回来~而是用shores借代了诺曼底等等地方~用现在分词而不用which的定语从句~这点能够给我们很大的提示~我们很多同学喜欢定语从句~然后句子套句子~最终什么都说不清楚~而encounter更加替换了face面对~当然这里的revolutionary刚才已经用过!但是作者这里运用是为了回应刚才的ideas~解释了他的由来~用回revolutionary更好的标示出来是为了回应上文. Nonetheless很明显。没有用我们经常运用的however, returning soldiers could not be held responsible for the social upheaval非常贴切! that America experienced. There had to be another cause, and there was, the media.长短句的结合效果就是这么好!用逗号把media隔开~突出了媒体的重要性~本科学英语的兄弟姐妹大约也学过这种现象~就是为了强调突出~但是我们却很少能够运用 Although the films of the era, era用得非常贴切~虽然这里也犯了重复小小毛病如果前面首段用epoch的话就相当好了were silent they spoke volumes to the society for which they were created. Women in these movies wore their hemlines a few inches shorter than the decade before them and they wore cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts整个句子都不是我们非英语国家同学所能够表达的!里面的用词hemilines/ inches/cosmetics/ accentuate/ bobbed/haircuts都是我们学习的对象!但是不幸的是~我们即使学会用这些词汇~也写不出来这么自然的句子. The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated作者替换了show/indicate等低级词汇 a new materialistic 甚至这里用了一个哲学词汇! attitude that America had never before experienced. Films portrayed很明显的替换了describe而且更加精当 every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke and partake in the leisures of life, a philosophy一个同位语漂亮! that was soon adopted看到了~人家不用choose by the youth of the decade. The use of the media in the twenties was to serve as a catalyst for the revolutionary ideas that were circulating be to/ serve as我想大家一定懂什么意思吧~但是很少自己用吧~serve as表达了根play ……role同样的效果~但是请看后面~catalyst更加显示出作者对于词汇的掌握更重要的是词汇对于观点表达的深刻认识~. The films and books of that era sped小词!这个就是native speaker和我们的区别~我们很少运用名词作动词用~这个就是需要积累归纳! America along its path小词! of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest用得漂亮! that the United States had ever known.

  Unlike the twenties, the sixties and seventies utilized看到了吧!替换了use这个低级词汇 the media in a way that appealed to吸引~替换了attract those searching for truth in a lost and confused world在world 前面加了lost and confused~非常好!但是其实还有更加好的~我个人认为complex and perplexed放在这里也不错~更加押韵~读起来更加美. Martin Luther King Jr. realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights. King urged小词的功力 his followers to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society很少同学能够举例子在两句话描写出例子对于自己文章有用的地方~这里peacefulness/abuse都用得很好~和可惜~encounter没有注意重复了!可以confront. By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race这句话不算美~但是很少人用by doing表达自己的观点~并且~运用了一个短句~和上面的长句相对应. Americans began to sympathize great! with the protesters because of前面用了due to这里替换了~虽然我也不太喜欢这个词但是后面的词用得很好! the undeserved turmoil这个用的好! they faced at the hands of the government, hands of the government用了一个比喻的手法!. As a result,作者避免运用therefore/thus America relinquished 这个词用得棒!替换了give up等等the Jim Crow laws 这里体现了作者历史知识的深刻and saw many other groups press for their individual rights as well. Television cameras rolled as Cesar Chavez organized the migrant workers in California and as Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham linked arms to protest the lack of women's rights. rolled用得好!而后面的比喻用得更好!里面的历史渊源更加使我们不可及!

  While the media helped to shape, shape用的好! some attitudes about racism and gender it also helped to uncover the truth behind government lies. During the Nixon 很明显,本文甚至没有写完,但是内部各种因素已经让它具备了冠军相了!虽然有用词个别重复,但是,里面的用词是非常巧妙的,至于句型方面,长短结合,并且大家可以看看句子都不难,也没有用到什么倒转现象,但是,全文流畅,小词精当,这个就不是我们能够学得到了!作者里面运用的修辞最多是比喻,开头段进行了一个对称,也是不错的!当然,如果再用上一些排比!押头尾韵!来一点抒情的句子,那么文章将更加漂亮。

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