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GRE作文的遣词造句(三)

2005-11-23 00:00寄托天下

  下面的是ETS对它的评论

  This is an outstanding response, even though it is not quite finished. The writer's views on the issue are so cogent, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion. What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.

  这一段对作者的文笔评论的好The writer's skill is apparent in the opening lines. The first words, "For our grandparents it occurred," immediately spark the reader's interest. The quick repetition of sentence structure and, once again, the intentionally vague use of "it" ("For the baby boomers it was") effectively draw the reader in. By the third sentence, we know that this essay will address the complexity of the issue ("not simply being representative??? but creating them as well") and that the writer is fully in command of this discussion.

  对于历史的深刻了解~这个是我们很难做到的The rest of the essay addresses the influence of historical events and media on the values of modern society, from the "roaring twenties" to the "sixties and seventies." Insightful analysis accompanies the historical references. For example, the writer persuasively argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.

  这里也是对于语法句法的评论Throughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively. Word choice is precise ("cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts"), sentences are structured to communicate ideas clearly ("There had to be another cause, and there was, the media"), and transitional phrases help move the argument forward ("Unlike the twenties, the sixties????" and "By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.")

  Occasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in "women? wore their hemlines??? shorter than the decade before them"), but they are not intrusive.

  Other 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the media's role in Nixon's Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion. However, even in its unfinished state, the essay does present an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.

  且不说思想,好的语言,到位的词汇,丰富的句型和用词的变幻,精辟的修辞,上对历史的深刻掌握。

  这就是一篇另类的没有写完的但是却能够拿到六分的文章。

  当然,用argument思维考虑,这得不到结论。但是,这难道不提示我们对于文笔的重要性么?

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