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英语六级作文精彩批改两篇

2006-02-13 00:00   来源:恩波教育       我要纠错 | 打印 | 收藏 | | |

  1.Where there is a will, there is a way

  The well-known proverb “Where there is a will, there is a way” has long been accepted by all of us. It is meant to show that however challenging or difficult a way is, a strong will may help conquer all the difficulties and eventually lead to success. I fully agree with it and its implication, in my opinion, can be justified in three respects.

  First of all, what a man thinks in mind often transmits into one's behavior. As it is widely recongnized that thought decides behavior, nothing will be hard to a determined and persistent person. Secondly, no one can deny that constant effort brings success, so long as a man woks with perseverance and uses a right way. Last but not least, confronting with enormous difficulties or frustration, only a man holding a steel will can get through and embark on a new way with a promising prospect.

  Living in an age when the modern competition becomes more and more fierce, a strong will seem more than necessary. With this awareness, people can cope with what they will encounter in the future better and confront all the challenges more calmly and confidently.

  颖颖文章的批改:

  The well-known proverb “Where there is a will, there is a way” has long been accepted by all of us. It is meant to show that however challenging or difficult a way is, a strong will may help conquer all the difficulties and eventually lead to success. (这句话写得非常出色,是你自己写的吗?) I fully agree with it and its implication, in my opinion, can be justified in three respects.

  First of all, what a man bears in mind often turns into one's action. As it is widely recognized that thought decides behavior, nothing will be hard to a determined and persistent person. Secondly, no one can deny that constant effort brings success, so long as a man works with perseverance and chooses the right way. (此句可继续修改,改得更理想,解决原句不平行的问题,细看:Secondly, constant efforts always lead to success – so long as a person stands firm and aims high, success will not be far away.) Last but not least, confronting with enormous difficulties, only a man with an iron will can pull through and embark on a new way with a promising prospect. (此句也写得不错)

  Living in an age when the modern competition becomes more and more intense, a strong will seems more than necessary. With this awareness, people can cope with what they will encounter in the future better and stand up to confront all the challenges more calmly and confidently.

  十一分。你学习范文非常用心,从词到句均如此。你悟性很高,继续修炼,必成大器。

  2.贡献老师的扇子…斗胆贴作文上来,请老师帮我看看.

  1.媒体(广播,电视,报纸,互联网等)对人们产生着越来越大的影响。

  2请比较两种不同的媒体的各自的特点。

  [原文] Nowadays, media such as broadcasting, TV, newspaper, Internet are playing increasingly important roles in our daily life. The media provide billions of information so individuals can enrich their knowledge and enlarge their horizons. The world is so large, but we can gain the information through a TV screen or just a mouse click(单击鼠标是这么说吗?)(这段关于媒体的重要性的描述会不会太少了,能不能给一些好的句子?谢谢!).

  It's obvious that everything has both positive and negative aspects just as every coin has two sides. Now I desire to list something about the advantage and disadvantage of TV and Internet.

  TV, the sign of traditional media, provides fresh information, colorful pictures and wonderful advertisement. The soap operas are the favorite of housewives. However, the costs of TV advertisement are a bit expensive and the pictures are too transient to seize.

  Beside TV, you can gain the information all around the world at anytime, anywhere instead of letting them slip by. Internet also brings many problems. For one thing, there are millions of information on it, some of them are rubbish(这里我本来想说这些信息中有不少是关于暴力,色情的,不会写,应该怎么写呢), they are harmful to us, especially to teenagers. For another, there are a sea of false information on the Internet and the legislation of it is not well enough(我本来想写目前关于网络的立法还不健全,给那些不法之徒以可趁之机,也不会写……).

  In the fast-information era, the Internet, the newly medium become much common and more acceptable. And the traditional media, still affect our daily life at the same time. In my eyes, both the traditional and newly media will make a big progress in the coming days and a brighter future is waiting for them!

  用了些您模板中的词句,但总觉得写得还差强人意,希望老师再帮我好好改改,打个分,谢谢!!另外,天气炎热,老师可得注意身体哦.

  [修改] Nowadays, a variety of media such as broadcasting, TV, newspaper and the Internet are playing increasingly important roles in our daily life. The media provide so much information that individuals can enrich their knowledge and enlarge their horizon. The world is so large, but we can gain the information through a screen at any corner of the world.

  (单击鼠标是这么说吗?) 对,但原文此句总体不好,宜修改。请参考改后句子,或者改为:

  The world is so large, but the information we need is only a mouse click away.

  (这段关于媒体的重要性的描述会不会太少了,能不能给一些好的句子?谢谢!) 可以,此段不宜太长。

  It's obvious that everything has both positive and negative aspects, just as every coin has two sides. Now I desire to list the advantages and disadvantages of TV and the Internet. (此段冗长,改后亦未完全解决问题,再改:As every coin has two sides, TV and Internet also have their advantages and disadvantages.)

  TV, the sign of traditional media, provides fresh information, colorful pictures and wonderful advertisement. The soap operas are the favorite of housewives. However, the costs of TV advertisement are a bit expensive and the pictures are too transient to seize.

  Through the Internet, you can gain the information all around the world at any time and any place. However, it also brings many problems. For one thing, some websites provide harmful information such as violence and pornography, which is extremely harmful to all of us, especially teenagers. For another, there is much false information on the Internet – the relevant legislation has loopholes in it, and those people with evil intent take advantage of them.

  (这里我本来想说这些信息中有不少是关于暴力,色情的,不会写,应该怎么写呢)

  写作violence和pornography。

  (我本来想写目前关于网络的立法还不健全,给那些不法之徒以可趁之机,也不会写……)

  我已写了,请参考。

  In the fast-developing information era (原文此处有误), the Internet, the newly medium, has become much more common and widely accepted (此句细想,与原来模板句情景不同,所以要改变写法). And the traditional media still affect our daily life at the same time. In my eyes, both the traditional and newly developed media will make big progress in the coming days and a brighter future is waiting for them!

  努力啊,在词与句上一定要多练,多想,祝你进步!七至八分。遇到不会写的,多查,多琢磨,再不行就放一下,第二天再来,再不行就问老师,此法极棒,请试一下。范文的经典句子有些用得不大对,是因为没有深刻揣摩的缘故,请深思。

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