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还乡记(下)

2006-03-01 00:00

  GOING HOME(II)

  作者简介:

  萨洛扬(William Saroyan),是美国著名剧作家兼短篇小说家。他自幼开始写作,出版的第一篇短篇小说是一九三三年的Hairenik。

  一九三四年所写 The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze 获得当年奥亨利奖。

  他一九三九年尝试编写剧本,一九四零年因 The Time of Your Life 获得普利兹戏剧奖,他下笔快速,从不修改,是一位天才型多产作家。

  In the city everything was the same: the names of the stores, the people walking in the streets, and the slow passing of automobiles; boys in cars trying to pick up girls; same as ever, not a thing changed. He saw faces he had known as a boy, people he did not know by name, and then he saw Tony Rocca, his old pal, walking up the street toward him, and he saw that Tony recognized him. He stopped walking, waiting for Tony to come into his presence. It was like a meeting in a dream, strange, almost incredible. He had dreamed of the two of them playing hooky from school to go swimming, to go out to the country fair, to sneak into a moving picture theater; and now here he was again, a big fellow with a lazy, easy-going walk, and a genial Italian grin. It was good, and he was glad he had made the mistake and come back.

  进入市区后,一切都是老样子:商店的名字,街上的行人,缓缓驶过的汽车,开着汽车去接女朋友的男孩子;这一切永远是老样子,没有丝毫改变。他看到一些小时候熟识的面孔,一些叫不出名字来的人,接着看见老友东尼.罗加迎面走来,他明白,东尼已经认出他来。他停下脚步,等候东尼走上来。这像是在梦里相逢一样,十分奇怪,简直令人难以相信。他曾经梦到他们两人逃学去游泳,去看那里的农产品展览会,或是偷偷地钻进电影院去;现在东尼果然再度出现了,他的块头很大,走起路来懒洋洋、慢吞吞,脸上带着亲切的意大利式露齿微笑。这实在太好了,他很高兴,他居然误打误撞地跑了回来。

  He stopped walking, waiting for Tony to come into his presence, smiling at him, unable to speak. The two boys shook hands and then began to strike one another with affection, laughing loudly, swearing at one another. "Where the hell have you been?" Tony said, and he punched his friend in the stomach, laughing loudly.

  他停下脚步,等候东尼走上去,朝着他微笑,说不出话来。两个男孩握握手,随即亲切地拍打对方,放声大笑,互相咒骂。「该死的家伙,这些年你都跑到那儿去了?」东尼说道;一面哈哈大笑,一面在他朋友肚子上重重地给他一拳。

  "Old Tony," he said, "good old punchdrunk Tony. God, it's good to see you. I thought maybe you'd be dead by this time. What the hell have you been doing?" He dodged another punch and struck his friend in the chest. He swore in Italian at Tony, using words Tony had taught him years ago, and Tony swore back at him in Russian.

  「老东尼,」他说道,「好东尼,糊涂的东尼。上帝呀,见到你真开心。我还以为你已经翘了呢!该死的家伙,这些年你都在干什么?」他闪过另一拳,打他朋友的胸部。他用意大利语咒骂东尼,所用的字是东尼很多年以前教他的,而东尼却用俄语骂他。

  "I've got to go out to the house," he said at last. "The folks don't know I'm here, I've got to go out and see them. I'm dying to see my brother Paul."  「我得回家去一趟,」他末了说道。「家里的人还不知道我已经回到此地,我得去看看他们,很想看看弟弟保罗。」

  He went on down the street, smiling about Tony. They would be having a lot of good times together again; they might even go swimming again the way they did as kids. It was great to be back.

  他继续沿街前行,一想起东尼就会露出微笑。他们将再度聚在一起痛痛快快地玩,甚至于像小时候一样一块儿去游泳。回到家乡真有趣。

  Walking by stores, he thought of buying his mother a small gift. A little gift would please the old lady. But he had little money, and all the decent things were expensive. I'll get her something later, he thought.

  他走进那些商店时,想给母亲买件小小的礼物,一件小礼物会使老人家觉得高兴,只可惜他没有多少钱,而那些比较像样的东西也都很贵。我以后会给她买的,他想。

  He turned west on Tulare Street, crossing the Southern Pacific tracks, reached G Street, then turned south. In a few minutes he would be home again, at the door of the little old house; the same as ever; the old woman, the old man, his three sisters, and his kid brother, all of them in the house, living simple lives.

  他往西走上杜瑞街,穿越南太平洋铁路,来到G街,然后再往南走。再过几分钟他就会再度回到家,站在古老小屋的门口了;像从前一样,他又可以看到老母、老爹、三个妹妹和小弟弟了,他们统统住在那个屋子里,过着简朴的生活。

  He saw the house from a distance of about a block, and his heart began to jump. He felt suddenly ill and afraid, something he had forgotten about the place, about that life which he had always hated, something ugly and mean. But he walked on, moving slower as he came closer to the house. The fence had fallen and no one had fixed it. The house suddenly appeared to be very ugly, and he wondered why in the hell the old man didn't move to a better house in a better neighborhood. Seeing the house again, feeling all its old reality, all his hatred for it returned, and he began to feel again the longing to be away from it, where he could not see it. He began to feel, as he had felt as a boy, the deep inarticulate hatred he had for the whole city , its falseness, its meanness, the stupidity of its people, the emptiness of their minds, and it seemed to him that he would never be able to return to such a place. The water, yes, it was good, it was good, it was splendid; but there were other things.

  他大约在一个街区远的地方看到了那个屋子,开始心跳起来。他忽然觉得不舒服,觉得害怕,他忘记了这个地方的某样事物,忘记了他一向厌恶的生活,忘记了某件丑陋、卑鄙的事情。但他继续往前走,离家越近,走得越慢。围墙倒了,也没有人修理。那个房子突然显得十分丑陋,真不知道老爹为什么不搬到一个比较好的房子去,搬到一个比较好的地区去。他一看到这个房子,就觉得往事历历在目,再度感到厌恶,再度渴望离去,到一个再也看不到它的地方去。正如小时候感觉到的一样,他对整个城市深深感觉到一种莫名的厌恶;讨厌它的虚伪、它的卑鄙、人们的愚蠢、他们心灵的空虚;他觉得自己再也不会回到这种地方了。此地的水倒是不错,很好喝;不过,还有别的事情需要考虑。

  He walked slowly before the house, looking at it as if he might be a stranger, feeling alien and unrelated to it, yet feeling that it was home, the place he dreamed about, the place that tormented him wherever he went. He was afraid someone might come out of the house and see him, because he knew that if he was seen, he might find himself running away. Still, he wanted to see them, all of them, have them before his eyes, feel the full presence of their bodies, even smell them, that old strong Russian smell. But it was too much. He began to feel hatred for everything in the city, and he walked on, going to the corner. There he stood beneath the street lamp, bewildered and disgusted, wanting to see his brother Paul, to talk to the boy, find out what was going on in his mind, how he was taking it, being in such a place, living such a life. He knew how it had been with him when he had been his brother's age, and he hoped he might be able to give his brother a little advice, how to keep from feeling the monotony and the ugliness by reading.

  他在屋子前面彳亍,注视着它,自己好比是个陌生人,觉得跟它毫无瓜葛、毫无关系,可是又觉得它是自己的家,是常常梦到的地方,是个如影随行、使他饱受折磨的地方。他深怕有人会从屋子里走出来瞧见他,心里明白,要是被人瞧见,他可能会拔腿就跑的。然而,他还是想看看他们,看看所有的人,要他们站在自己的面前,摸摸他们的血肉之躯,甚至闻闻他们那种俄国人固有的强烈气味。但是,此事大有困难。他又对城里的一切感到厌恶了,于是又继续往前走,去到拐角的地方。他伫立街灯下,茫茫然,满腔怨怼,很想看看弟弟保罗,跟他谈谈,发掘他的心事,保罗住在这种地方,过着这种生活,真不知 何以自处。他像弟弟这么大的时候,也有过这样的经验,希望能给弟弟一点忠告,要他多看书,藉以消除单调、丑陋的感觉。

  He forgot that he hadn't eaten since breakfast, and that he had been dreaming for months of eating another of his mother's meals, sitting at the old table in the kitchen, seeing her, large and red-faced and serious and angry toward him, loving him, but he had lost his appetite. He thought he might wait at the corner; perhaps his brother would leave the house to take a walk and he would see the boy and talk to him. Paul, he would say, and he would talk to the boy in Russian.

  他忘了,自从用过早餐以来还没有吃过东西、几个月来他一直梦着要再吃一餐母亲做的饭,坐在厨房的旧餐桌上,望着她,母亲身材高大,脸红红的,很严肃,?既气他又疼他,但他一点胃口也没有。他想,不妨在柺角上 等候,说不定弟弟会离开屋子,出来散步,那他就可以见到弟弟,跟他说话了。保罗,他会说,而且要用俄语和弟弟交谈。

  The stillness of the valley began to oppress him, losing its piety, becoming merely a form of the valley's monotony.  谷中的静谧使他有一种压迫感,一旦失去原有的虔敬,就变得很单调。

  Still, he couldn't go away from the house. From the corner he could see it, and he knew that he wanted to go in and be among his people, a part of their lives; he knew this was what he had wanted to do for months, to knock at the door, embrace his mother and his sisters, walk aross the floors of the house, sit in the old chairs, sleep in his bed, talk with his old man, eat at the table.

  然而,他无法远离那个房子。他从这个拐角就可以 看得见,实在很想进去和家人相聚,成为他们生活中的一部份;这正是他数月来翘首企盼的:前去敲门,拥抱母亲和妹妹,走过屋里的地板,坐在旧椅子上,在自己的床上睡觉,跟老爹谈心,在餐桌上吃饭。

  And now something he had forgotten while he had been away, something real but ugly in that life, had come up swiftly, changing everything, changing the appearance and meaning of the house, the city, the whole valley, making it all ugly and unreal, making him wish to go away and never return. He could never come back. He could never enter the house again and go on with his life where he had left off.

  早年生活里有件真实而又丑陋的事情,出门在外的期间已把它忘得乾乾净净,现在蓦然重现,改变了一切,也改变了这个房子,这个城市以及整个河谷的面貌和意义,使它变得十分丑陋,十分空虚,使他很想离去,再也不回来。他决不再回来,决不再跨进家门,过从前的日子。

  Suddenly he was in the alley, climbing over the fence, walking through the yard. His mother had planted tomatoes, and peppers, and the smell of the growing plants was thick and acrid and very melancholy to him. There was a light in the kitchen, and he moved quietly toward it, hoping to see some of them without being seen. He walked close to the house, to the kitchen window, and looking in saw his youngest sister, Martha, washing dishes. He saw the old table, the old stove, and Martha, with her back turned to him; and all these things seemed so sad and so pathetic that tears came to his eyes, and he began to need a cigarette. He struck a match quietly on the bottom of his shoe and inhaled the smoke, looking at his little sister in the old house, a part of the monotony. Everything seemed very still, very clear, terribly sad; but he hoped his mother would enter the kitchen; he wanted to have another look at her. He wanted to see if his being away had changed her much. How would she look? Would she have that angry look? He felt angry with himself for not being a good son, for not trying to make his mother happy, but he knew it was impossible.

  他突然走进衖堂,爬过围墙,从院子里走过去。母亲在院子里种了蕃茄,也种了辣椒,这些生长中的植物散发出强烈的气味,很难闻,使他受不了。厨房里的 灯亮着,他悄悄地走上前去,希望能看到几个家人,不会被瞧见。他走进房屋,走到厨房的窗子前面,往里看,看见么妹玛莎在洗碗。他看见了那张旧餐桌,那个旧火炉,还有背朝着他的玛莎;一切的一切都显得非常凄惨, 非常可怜,他不禁泪勖呻剩芟氤橹幌阊獭K崆岬卦谛咨喜粮鸩瘢闳枷阊蹋豢冢醋盼堇锏男∶茫彩钦庵值サ魃畹囊徊糠荨R磺械囊磺兴坪醵挤浅0簿玻浅G宄制嗖遥坏M盖谆峤氤浚芟朐倏此谎郏芟胫雷约旱脑独胧顾谋涠嗌佟K雌鹄聪裆趺囱幽兀炕够崾悄侵稚难勇穑克惨蛭约翰皇且桓龊枚樱茨艹谢断ハ露醯闷眨墒怯种勒馐遣豢赡艿氖隆?

  He saw his brother Paul enter the kitchen for a drink of water, and for a moment he wanted to cry out the boy's name, everything that was good in him, all his love, rushing to the face and form of the boy; but he restrained himself, inhaling deeply, tightening his lips. In the kitchen, the boy seemed lost, bewildered, imprisoned. Looking at his brother, he began to cry softly.

  他看见弟弟保罗进入厨房喝水,有一阵子真想喊他的名字,弟弟的善良和爱心全涌现在他的脸上和身上;但他抑制着自己,深深地吸一口气,紧紧地咬着嘴唇。弟弟在厨房里显得迷惘,困惑,宛如身系囹圄。看到弟弟那个样子,他不禁轻轻哭了起来。 他不希望再见到母亲。他会变得非常生气,难免做出糊涂事来,于是就悄悄走过院子,爬上围墙,跳到衖堂里。他开始离去时,不禁悲从中来;等走到相当远、不会被人听见的时候,这才呜咽起来,他热爱自己的家人,却又讨厌他们那种生活的丑陋和单调。他匆匆远离家门,远离家人,在黑夜中恸哭,哭自己无能为力,一筹莫展。

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