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2006-06-30 10:07

  It rained so hard tonight. I could feel the wind piercing through my ribs. A rainy Christmas eve. It just made me feel sadder and lonelier. It had rained the day he was buried into the ground and I had cried just like now.


  I was attracted to this cheerful guy when I first started helping out in the 'Home for the Disabled' three years back. He was a very special guy who was almost perfect if not for his eyes. He was blind. He became blind when he was 8.He got the high fever then, and the doctors could do nothing. He lost his sight as a result.He told me he didn't really mind not being able to see because he could always touch and feel things we 'normal' beings weren't able to. I was really touched by his optimism. Even though he was blind, his eyes were the most soulful eyes that I had ever seen. He was extremely helpful towards others and always did his best to give others what he could. He showered his love lavishly on everyone he knew. He was like an angel. He had a kind and unselfish heart. He gave half of what he earned to charity and he would help out at the 'Home' almost everyday.


  Whenever we were free from tending to the people at the 'Home', we would talk to one another for a long time. He talked about God a lot and how blessed was he to have found joy in the Lord. He didn't blame God for any misfortunes that had befallen on him. He said the Lord had his reasons for not giving him sight and he didn't blame God for the fact that his parent got killed in an accident when he was barely 12.I felt somewhat ashamed when I heard his words since I had always blamed God for not giving me a prettier face. I bore a grudge against God for not giving this wonderful angel His fullest blessings. I thought that God was unfair to him for taking, apart from his sight, his loved ones away from him. I felt that he truly deserved more.


  Luke and I were completely different from one another. He was an optimist and I was a pessimist. He could overlook flaws easily while I would always pick at others' faults. However we did have one thing in common. We both had an undying passion for astronomy. He told me he still remembered how lovely the stars had looked like before he became blind. And how his dad used to tell him about stars, black holes and space before God took him away to Heaven. One thing he didn't know was that I was silently crying for him all the time while he talked. I knew then that I loved him more than I could ever loved anyone.Luke and I had been together for almost two years. We could hardly bear to be away from one another for less than half a day. We spent most of our time helping out at the 'Home' and 'watching' the stars at a pasture near it. I would tell him the names and shapes of the constellations that appeared in the skies and he would listen carefully with a smile on his face. It seemed like he saw the stars that I told him, behind those soulful eyes that could never see the art of God.


  Maybe God thought that Luke was too good for this world. He decided to bring him back to His side. Luke contracted leukaemia that fateful 1994. He kept his illness from me and thus I didn't know anything about it at all. It was only when he started looking sick that I noticed something was wrong with him. When asked why, he would pass his paleness off as a slight flu. I didn't believe his words but I didn't say anything.


  It was September 1994. I was waiting at the 'Home' for Luke."A call for you, Calista. It's from a hospital," a helper at the 'Home' passed the phone to me worriedly."Yes, hello? This is Calista here. Can I be of any help?" I asked, chewing my lips nervously, sensing bad vibes in my spines."This is the Boulevard Hospital. We found your name and this number in Mr Pietra's wallet. He had fainted on the streets just now and someone brought him in. I was hoping that you can come down to the hospital now and help us with the documents."I hung up the phone and ran all the way in the rain to the hospital, which was a mile away.I signed whatever documents that were needed and ran to the ward that Luke was in. There he was my angel, lying almost lifeless on a bed that seemed too large for him."Calista, is that you?" He asked when I held his cold hand."Yes it's me, "I choked on my words."Aww… please don't cry. Everything will be alright," he smiled.I looked at his pale face and it broke my heart."Luke," I sobbed."Why is God so unfair to you?" I bawled out on his chest.He stroked my hair and said softly," God is fair, my love. He's gonna take me to a far better place called Heaven. Don't you agree?" I didn't answer him, as I was lost in my own thoughts. I really didn't know what was going to happen to me without him in my life. Moreover, I had this dreary feeling about going to hospitals ever since I was young. I felt so lost and detached from the world. Why must God take away my one and only true love?Three months had passed ever since Luke was admitted into the hospital. It was December and Christmas was nearing. My visits to Luke had grown lesser over the three long painful months. Each time I visited Luke, we would have nothing much to talk about. There was always this awkward silence between us .I didn't know what caused it but I guessed it had something to do with the atmosphere in the hospital. Luke had lost his cheerfulness over the months. He was always too tired to talk. At times, he would try his best to listen to me while I talked to him but the pills they fed him always put him to sleep before I could finish.

  1994年9月的一天,我在"残疾人之家"等Luke.一个医院打来的电话,我焦急的接过电话,一种不祥的预感,"这是Boulevard医院,我们在Luke先生的钱包里发现了你的名字和电话。他刚才昏倒在街上,好心人把他送进这里。我们希望你可以来医院办一些手续。"我放下电话,飞奔向医院,外面在下雨,医院离"残疾人之家"有一英里。我办好一切手续冲向Luke的病房。我的天使,他身体虚弱的躺在床上,相对他瘦弱的身躯,病床显得太大了!"Calista是你吗?"当我抓住他冰冷的手时,他问。"是我。"我哽咽着说,"呵,不要哭,事情会好起来的。"他微笑着说。看到他苍白的脸,我的心都要碎了。"Luke"我抽泣者,"为什么上帝对你这么不公平!"我扑到他的胸前大哭,他抚摸着我的头发,轻声说:"亲爱的,上帝是公平的,他要带我到一个遥远的叫天堂的地方。你不这样认为吗?"我没有回答他,因为我已经不知道该说什么。我真的不知道如果我的生命里没有他会发生什么。虽然我还年轻,但是当我在医院的时候,我却感觉很凄凉。我觉得我失去了一切,在这个世界上是孤独的!为什么上帝一定要带! 我走我唯一的真爱。Luke住进医院已经三个月了。12月,圣诞节快到了。这三个月痛苦的日子,每次看到Luke都比上次更虚弱。每次看Luke,我们都不说什么,一直是可怕的沉默。我不知道这是为什么,我猜想也许是医院的气氛。过了一个月,Luke就不可以大声的说笑了,他太虚弱了,以致不能说太多的话。那个时候,Luke强打精神听我的讲述,但是他吃的药丸总是让他在没听我讲完之前就睡着了。

  We drifted apart somehow although I still loved him a lot. I had only visited him once during December since I was busy working and the 'Home' needed helpers desperately.It was the 24th of December. I realised that I had not visited Luke for almost three weeks! How funny time seemed to fly when you were busy. I had prepared a gift for Luke for the past two weeks. It was a piece of cardboard pasted with 3D star stickers ……I called the constellation that I made up 'Love Luke'. I hurried to the hospital with the gift in my hands.I walked briskly to Luke's ward. On the way there, I felt a sudden fear in my heart. I didn't know why but somehow, it made me hurry my pace. To my ultimate fear and worst nightmare, Luke was not in his ward. He was gone! I ran to the counter and asked for Luke but was handed a package and a letter instead. I opened the letter with my tears flowing down like mad.


  'My beloved Calista, Please don't cry when you get this letter. I just want to let you know that I will be happier at the place where I'll be going soon. God and my parents are waiting impatiently for me. I'm looking forward to see them again.I know how busy you've been these past few weeks and I really missed you terribly. I know how much U dreaded coming to the hospital although U never said anything. I felt it. To tell you the truth, I've thought of ending my life at times to end the pain and loneliness that my illness had brought me. However, I remembered that life is bestowed by the love of God and it would be a terrible mistake to kill myself just to escape misery.Now, I'm glad God decided to take me away earlier. I don't want to be a burden to you and I can't thank you enough for all the love and patience that you had given me through the hard times and the good times. U love me just the way I am even though I can't even do a small thing like watch a movie with you. Please don't blame God for taking me away. He does it because He loves me, just as much as He loves you.Don't ask why all the time. Things are planned and they are meant to be this way. Don't keep thinking that God is unfair and stop bearing grudges against him. God is a fair God. Everything that you lost today will be compensated in another way tomorrow. Just keep on believing. Remember that I'll always love you even when I'm not by your side. You're the most beautiful person that I've ever 'seen' in my life, even though u r always complaining about the way you look. Beauty comes from within.Just to tell u that u will always be a part of me that I can't live without. Thank you once again for your sweetness and your wonderful unselfish love.P.S. I'm sorry that I can't celebrate Christmas with you. Here's a gift I've prepared for you ever since the start of December.Love, Luke.E.Pietra. I tore open the package, sobbing all the while. Inside it was a picture made up of tiny stickers of stars. On top of the black paper was written 'Love Calista'. He too had made up a constellation for me I knew how much effort and time he must have put in, in making the gift since he wasn't able to see.

  "亲爱的Calista,当你拿到这封信的时候,请不要哭泣。我只是想让你知道,我就要到一个让我快乐的地方。上帝和我的父母亲正在那里等着我。我很希望再见到他们。我知道在过去的几周,你非常的忙碌,但是我真的非常想念你!我知道你来医院看我,是件很闷的事情,虽然你不曾说过,但我感觉得到。告诉你,此刻我想结束我的生命,结束疾病带给我的疼痛和孤单。我知道生命是上帝给予的爱,以结束生命来逃离痛苦是个很大的错误。现在,我很高兴上帝决定早早的带我离开这个世界。我不想成为你的负担,我不足以报答你在快乐和痛苦时给我的耐心和爱。你爱我,我也爱你,但是我不能为你做一点点诸如陪你看电影一类的小事。请不要责怪上帝把我带走,他这样做是因为他爱我,就像我爱你一样!不要问为什么,这一切都是上帝安排的,不要总是认为上帝不公平,或者不可容忍他吝惜他的祝福,上帝是公平的,你今天失去的一切将会在明天有所回报。继续相信上帝,记住我将一直爱你,即使我不在你身边!你是我所'见到'的最美丽的女孩,即使你一直抱怨你的外貌,美是来自内心的!再告诉你,你是我生命的一部分,我的生活不能没有你。再次谢谢你的甜蜜和你无私的爱!对不起,! 我不能和你共度圣诞节了,这是我为你准备的礼物,虽然现在只是12月的开始。爱你Luke"我抽泣着撕开包裹,是幅用小星星粘贴的星座"爱Calista".他制作这幅画是多么困难,我知道他花了很多时间制作这幅画,因为他的眼睛是看不到东西的。

  I cried my whole heart out that night at the hospital.It was Christmas Day, 25th of December,1994.Luke was laid into the ground. The rain was coming down hard. Nothing could describe my sadness. I was filled with remorse. In my busyness, I had neglected Luke. I should have spent more time with him. I didn't even get to see him for one last time before he died. I didn't really treasure him until he was gone. I missed him so much now. I wanted so much to hug him and to tell him how much I loved him. But it was all too late. I had let time slip by and it would never come back to me.


  I had lost Luke forever. Forever, that word suddenly sounded so strange to me as I watched Luke's coffin being lowered into the ground. I cried for the man who taught me the ways of life. The one person who changed my views towards many things. The angel who taught me to overlook others' flaws and to see the beauty behind imperfections. The one who told me to accept whatever cards were dealt to me. Now this one person had left my side forever. Gone like the two pieces of pictures that carried the words 'Love Luke' and 'Love Calista'. They were buried together with the memory of Luke.


  Treasure what you have now before it becomes regret, when it becomes too late. Time always slips us by when we least realise it. Let the people you love know what they mean to you, because you never know what might happen……life is too fragile.


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