Chapter 9 — There is no Place like Home
I can assure you， and tell no lie （as John Fry always used to say， when telling his very largest）， that I scrambled back to the mouth of that pit as if the evil one had been after me. And sorely I repented now of all my boyish folly， or madness it might well be termed， in venturing， with none to help， and nothing to compel me， into that accursed valley. Once let me get out， thinks I， and if ever I get in again， without being cast in by neck and by crop， I will give our new-born donkey leave to set up for my schoolmaster.
How I kept that resolution we shall see hereafter. It is enough for me now to tell how I escaped from the den that night. First I sat down in the little opening which Lorna had pointed out to me， and wondered whether she had meant， as bitterly occurred to me， that I should run down into the pit， and be drowned， and give no more trouble. But in less than half a minute I was ashamed of that idea， and remembered how she was vexed to think that even a loach should lose his life. And then I said to myself， ‘Now surely she would value me more than a thousand loaches； and what she said must be quite true about the way out of this horrible place.’
Therefore I began to search with the utmost care and diligence， although my teeth were chattering， and all my bones beginning to ache with the chilliness and the wetness. Before very long the moon appeared， over the edge of the mountain， and among the trees at the top of it； and then I espied rough steps， and rocky， made as if with a sledge-hammer， narrow， steep， and far asunder， scooped here and there in the side of the entrance， and then round a bulge of the cliff， like the marks upon a great brown loaf， where a hungry child has picked at it. And higher up， where the light of the moon shone broader upon the precipice， there seemed to be a rude broken track， like the shadow of a crooked stick thrown upon a house-wall.
Herein was small encouragement； and at first I was minded to lie down and die； but it seemed to come amiss to me. God has His time for all of us； but He seems to advertise us when He does not mean to do it. Moreover， I saw a movement of lights at the head of the valley， as if lanthorns were coming after me， and the nimbleness given thereon to my heels was in front of all meditation.
Straightway I set foot in the lowest stirrup （as I might almost call it）， and clung to the rock with my nails， and worked to make a jump into the second stirrup. And I compassed that too， with the aid of my stick； although， to tell you the truth， I was not at that time of life so agile as boys of smaller frame are， for my size was growing beyond my years， and the muscles not keeping time with it， and the joints of my bones not closely hinged， with staring at one another. But the third step-hole was the hardest of all， and the rock swelled out on me over my breast， and there seemed to be no attempting it， until I espied a good stout rope hanging in a groove of shadow， and just managed to reach the end of it.
How I clomb up， and across the clearing， and found my way home through the Bagworthy forest， is more than I can remember now， for I took all the rest of it then as a dream， by reason of perfect weariness. And indeed it was quite beyond my hopes to tell so much as I have told， for at first beginning to set it down， it was all like a mist before me. Nevertheless， some parts grew clearer， as one by one I remembered them， having taken a little soft cordial， because the memory frightens me.
For the toil of the water， and danger of labouring up the long cascade or rapids， and then the surprise of the fair young maid， and terror of the murderers， and desperation of getting away—all these are much to me even now， when I am a stout churchwarden， and sit by the side of my fire， after going through many far worse adventures， which I will tell， God willing. Only the labour of writing is such （especially so as to construe， and challenge a reader on parts of speech， and hope to be even with him）； that by this pipe which I hold in my hand I ever expect to be beaten， as in the days when old Doctor Twiggs， if I made a bad stroke in my exercise， shouted aloud with a sour joy， ‘John Ridd， sirrah， down with your small-clothes！’
Let that be as it may， I deserved a good beating that night， after making such a fool of myself， and grinding good fustian to pieces. But when I got home， all the supper was in， and the men sitting at the white table， and mother and Annie and Lizzie near by， all eager， and offering to begin （except， indeed， my mother， who was looking out at the doorway）， and by the fire was Betty Muxworthy， scolding， and cooking， and tasting her work， all in a breath， as a man would say. I looked through the door from the dark by the wood-stack， and was half of a mind to stay out like a dog， for fear of the rating and reckoning； but the way my dear mother was looking about and the browning of the sausages got the better of me.
But nobody could get out of me where I had been all the day and evening； although they worried me never so much， and longed to shake me to pieces， especially Betty Muxworthy， who never could learn to let well alone. Not that they made me tell any lies， although it would have served them right almost for intruding on other people‘s business； but that I just held my tongue， and ate my supper rarely， and let them try their taunts and jibes， and drove them almost wild after supper， by smiling exceeding knowingly. And indeed I could have told them things， as I hinted once or twice； and then poor Betty and our little Lizzie were so mad with eagerness， that between them I went into the fire， being thoroughly overcome with laughter and my own importance.
Now what the working of my mind was （if， indeed it worked at all， and did not rather follow suit of body） it is not in my power to say； only that the result of my adventure in the Doone Glen was to make me dream a good deal of nights， which I had never done much before， and to drive me， with tenfold zeal and purpose， to the practice of bullet-shooting. Not that I ever expected to shoot the Doone family， one by one， or even desired to do so， for my nature is not revengeful； but that it seemed to be somehow my business to understand the gun， as a thing I must be at home with.
I could hit the barn-door now capitally well with the Spanish match-lock， and even with John Fry‘s blunderbuss， at ten good land-yards distance， without any rest for my fusil. And what was very wrong of me， though I did not see it then， I kept John Fry there， to praise my shots， from dinner-time often until the grey dusk， while he all the time should have been at work spring-ploughing upon the farm. And for that matter so should I have been， or at any rate driving the horses； but John was by no means loath to be there， instead of holding the plough-tail. And indeed， one of our old sayings is，—
For pleasure‘s sake I would liefer wet，Than ha’ ten lumps of gold for each one of my sweat. And again， which is not a bad proverb， though unthrifty and unlike a Scotsman‘s，—
God makes the wheat grow greener，While farmer be at his dinner. And no Devonshire man， or Somerset either （and I belong to both of them）， ever thinks of working harder than God likes to see him.
Nevertheless， I worked hard at the gun， and by the time that I had sent all the church-roof gutters， so far as I honestly could cut them， through the red pine-door， I began to long for a better tool that would make less noise and throw straighter. But the sheep-shearing came and the hay-season next， and then the harvest of small corn， and the digging of the root called ‘batata’ （a new but good thing in our neighbourhood， which our folk have made into ‘taties’）， and then the sweating of the apples， and the turning of the cider-press， and the stacking of the firewood， and netting of the woodcocks， and the springles to be minded in the garden and by the hedgerows， where blackbirds hop to the molehills in the white October mornings， and grey birds come to look for snails at the time when the sun is rising.
It is wonderful how time runs away， when all these things and a great many others come in to load him down the hill and prevent him from stopping to look about. And I for my part can never conceive how people who live in towns and cities， where neither lambs nor birds are （except in some shop windows）， nor growing corn， nor meadow-grass， nor even so much as a stick to cut or a stile to climb and sit down upon—how these poor folk get through their lives without being utterly weary of them， and dying from pure indolence， is a thing God only knows， if His mercy allows Him to think of it.
How the year went by I know not， only that I was abroad all day， shooting， or fishing， or minding the farm， or riding after some stray beast， or away by the seaside below Glenthorne， wondering at the great waters， and resolving to go for a sailor. For in those days I had a firm belief， as many other strong boys have， of being born for a seaman. And indeed I had been in a boat nearly twice； but the second time mother found it out， and came and drew me back again； and after that she cried so badly， that I was forced to give my word to her to go no more without telling her.
But Betty Muxworthy spoke her mind quite in a different way about it， the while she was wringing my hosen， and clattering to the drying-horse.
‘Zailor， ees fai！ ay and zarve un raight. Her can’t kape out o‘ the watter here， whur a’ must goo vor to vaind un， zame as a gurt to-ad squalloping， and mux up till I be wore out， I be， wi‘ the very saight of ’s braiches. How wil un ever baide aboard zhip， wi‘ the watter zinging out under un， and comin’ up splash when the wind blow. Latt un goo， missus， latt un goo， zay I for wan， and old Davy wash his clouts for un.‘
And this discourse of Betty‘s tended more than my mother’s prayers， I fear， to keep me from going. For I hated Betty in those days， as children always hate a cross servant， and often get fond of a false one. But Betty， like many active women， was false by her crossness only； thinking it just for the moment perhaps， and rushing away with a bucket； ready to stick to it， like a clenched nail， if beaten the wrong way with argument； but melting over it， if you left her， as stinging soap， left along in a basin， spreads all abroad without bubbling.
But all this is beyond the children， and beyond me too for that matter， even now in ripe experience； for I never did know what women mean， and never shall except when they tell me， if that be in their power. Now let that question pass. For although I am now in a place of some authority， I have observed that no one ever listens to me， when I attempt to lay down the law； but all are waiting with open ears until I do enforce it. And so methinks he who reads a history cares not much for the wisdom or folly of the writer （knowing well that the former is far less than his own， and the latter vastly greater）， but hurries to know what the people did， and how they got on about it. And this I can tell， if any one can， having been myself in the thick of it.
The fright I had taken that night in Glen Doone satisfied me for a long time thereafter； and I took good care not to venture even in the fields and woods of the outer farm， without John Fry for company. John was greatly surprised and pleased at the value I now set upon him； until， what betwixt the desire to vaunt and the longing to talk things over， I gradually laid bare to him nearly all that had befallen me； except， indeed， about Lorna， whom a sort of shame kept me from mentioning. Not that I did not think of her， and wish very often to see her again； but of course I was only a boy as yet， and therefore inclined to despise young girls， as being unable to do anything， and only meant to listen to orders. And when I got along with the other boys， that was how we always spoke of them， if we deigned to speak at all， as beings of a lower order， only good enough to run errands for us， and to nurse boy-babies.
And yet my sister Annie was in truth a great deal more to me than all the boys of the parish， and of Brendon， and Countisbury， put together； although at the time I never dreamed it， and would have laughed if told so. Annie was of a pleasing face， and very gentle manner， almost like a lady some people said； but without any airs whatever， only trying to give satisfaction. And if she failed， she would go and weep， without letting any one know it， believing the fault to be all her own， when mostly it was of others. But if she succeeded in pleasing you， it was beautiful to see her smile， and stroke her soft chin in a way of her own， which she always used when taking note how to do the right thing again for you. And then her cheeks had a bright clear pink， and her eyes were as blue as the sky in spring， and she stood as upright as a young apple-tree， and no one could help but smile at her， and pat her brown curls approvingly； whereupon she always curtseyed. For she never tried to look away when honest people gazed at her； and even in the court-yard she would come and help to take your saddle， and tell （without your asking her） what there was for dinner.
And afterwards she grew up to be a very comely maiden， tall， and with a well-built neck， and very fair white shoulders， under a bright cloud of curling hair. Alas！ poor Annie， like most of the gentle maidens—but tush， I am not come to that yet； and for the present she seemed to me little to look at， after the beauty of Lorna Doone.