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A Trip in Night Safari

2006-07-29 15:36

  Singapore Night Safari is the first and only [the first of its kind] (1) in the world. The place covers an area of 40 hectares and is divided into the East and West Loops. Over 1000 animals of about 100 species are displayed[living there] (2)。 One day last winter holiday [during my winter vacation last year] (3), I went to visit it with my father.

  At 7:30 p.m. we entered the park. First of all, we took a tram(有轨电车)with a tour guide from Malaysia. The tram route[trip](4) would take about 50 minutes. Here, there were no fences but pools which were one or two metres wide to prevent animals jumping out. As the tram went by, we saw all kinds of animals from different countries, such as Asian Elephant, otter, rhino, Cape Buffalo, wolf, Bearded Pig and so on. How wonderful they were! In the darkness, they all looked so quiet, enjoying themselves with their families. Suddenly, the tram stopped. What had happened? Oh, some deer were crossing the road in front of our tram. We were not allow[allowed] (5) to take pictures, but they stood so close to us, eating leaves and grass, that some of us couldn't help touching[reaching out to touch] (6) them. It seemed that they were enjoying their eating and didn't notice our coming.

  At the end of the tram ride, we decided to have a tour on foot. According to the map, we would see many rare animals like Red Panda, lemur, Starred Tortoise…。 We saw a lot of people standing around a lake. Out of interest, Father and I went there for a look. It's [It was a] (7) fishing cat. The cat was going to catch fish. At first, he stood on the shore, gazing at the fish in the lake quietly. People watching held their breath, waited and waited. Suddenly, he jumped into the lake to bite the fish. But he failed. The fish escaped quickly. Then we went to see the lion, leopard and tiger.

  Two hours passed before we knew it. For me, this trip was so interesting and exciting that I'm sure I will never forget the Night Safari and if I have a chance, I'll visit it again.

  南京师范大学附属中学高二(7)班  黄怡宁

  评    语

  这是一篇出国游记。作者随父亲到了新加坡的夜间野生动物园。文章按照时间顺序,详略有致地记述了游园过程,重点描写了乘坐有轨电车时遇到鹿过路以及“抓鱼猫”的抓鱼过程,给叙述增添了乐趣。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)原文 the first and only结构上不够完整,习惯说法是the first of its kind.

  (2)原文displayed给人一种“静态”的感觉,用得不好,故改之。

  (3)寒假可以是 winter vacation,但如果用holiday,表示“寒假”这样较长的假期时,常用复数,为winter holidays.

  (4)route意为a way followed from one place to another,与表示“时间长短”的词语搭配不妥,故改之。

  (5)这里应该用过去分词,可能是作者粗心了。因此,写好文章后,还得认真检查。

  (6)根据上下文加上 reaching out(伸出手去)比较自然。

  (7)原文时态用错了。

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