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Fake two dollar bill

2006-07-08 09:28

  On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.

  ME: “Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go.”

  IT: “Is that it?”

  ME: “Yep.”

  IT: “That'll be $1.04, eat here?”

  ME: “No, it's *to* *go*.” [I hate effort duplication.]

  At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says

  IT: “Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.”

  He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.

  IT: “Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?”

  MG: “No. A what?”

  IT: “A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.”

  MG: “Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL.”

  IT: “Yeah, thought so.”

  He comes back to me and says

  IT: “We don't take these. Do you have anything else?”

  ME: “Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?”

  IT: “I don't know.”

  ME: “See here where it says legal tender?”

  IT: “Yeah.”

  ME: “So, shouldn't you take it?”

  IT: “Well, hang on a sec.”

  He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and . . .

  IT: “He says I have to take it.”

  MG: “Doesn't he have anything else?”

  IT: “Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.”

  MG: “I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE.”

  IT: “What should I do?”

  MG: “Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money.”

  IT: “I can't tell him that, you tell him.”

  MG: “Just tell him.”

  IT: “No way, this is weird, I'm going in back.”

  The manager approaches me and says

  MG: “Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night.”

  [it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor

  mall with 100 other stores.]

  ME: “Well, here's a two.”

  MG: “We don't take *those* either.”

  ME: “Why the hell not?”

  MG: “I think you *know* why.”

  ME: “No really, tell me, why?”

  MG: “Please leave before I call mall security.”

  ME: “Excuse me?”

  MG: “Please leave before I call mall security.”

  ME: “What the hell for?”

  MG: “Please, sir.”

  ME: “Uh, go ahead, call them.”

  MG: “Would you please just leave?”

  ME: “No.”

  MG: “Fine, have it your way then.”

  ME: “No, that's Burger King, isn't it?”

  At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]

  SG: “Yeah, Mike, what's up?”

  MG: “This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money.”

  SG: “Really? What?”

  MG: “Get this, a *two* dollar bill.”

  SG: “Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?” [incredulous]

  MG: “I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has

  is a fifty.“

  SG: “So, the fifty's fake?”

  MG: “NO, the $2 is.”

  SG: “Why would he fake a $2 bill?”

  MG: “I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?”

  SG: “Yeah……”

  Security guard walks over to me and says . . .

  SG: “Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.”

  ME: “Uh, no.”

  SG: “Lemme see 'em.”

  ME: “Why?”

  SG: “Do you want me to get the cops in here?”

  At this point I was ready to say, “SURE, PLEASE,” but I wanted to eat, so I said

  ME: “I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill.”

  I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says:

  SG: “Mike, what's wrong with this bill?”

  MG: “It's fake.”

  SG: “It doesn't look fake to me.”

  MG: “But it's a **$2** bill.”

  SG: “Yeah?”

  MG: “Well, there's no such thing, is there?”

  The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.

  My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. It makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.

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