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The Round Moon

2006-07-29 15:37

  On every [Every] (1) Mid-autumn Festival before, my grandma would always look up at the round moon tearfully. “Perhaps I can only see her[see her only] (2) in the heaven.”She would say in a low voice, again and again. Being a little boy, I couldn't understand her at all. Later, Mother told me that my aunt had gone to Taiwan in 1949 and we hadn't had her news since.

  With the Red Cross's help[the help of the Red Cross] (3), an unexpected letter was sent to grandma one day five years ago. Grandma's tears wetted the letter when she read it.“It's her, it's her…”She couldn't help crying, excited and happy. I read the letter. It was full of a daughter's missing[homesickness] (4)。

  “Dear mother, I am so excited to have learned that you are still alive and healthy. I was a girl when I left you, but now I've already become a gray-hair[gray-haired] (5) old woman. You must have gone through a lot of hardships these years. How I wish I could have shared them with you! But I couldn't get in touch with you and didn't do what a daughter should have done. However, things have changed now. I really want to fly[over] (6) to see you at once…”

  Finally, she returned. It goes without saying that we were very excited to meet one another.

  Yesterday, I received an affectionate(充满深情的)letter from my aunt again. She wrote as follows,“It has been a long time since I left the mainland. I can't forget the days when we met there…I was so glad to see that our hometown has taken on a new look… My only biggest regret is that we can't get together for ever. I hope to live to the day when Taiwan is reunited…”

  “Dear aunt, believe me, just as the moon must become round on the 15th of a month, our wish must be realized one day.”I wrote back, full of hope. Having finished the letter, I looked out of the window: the bright round moon seemed to be in the sky, although it was raining outside.

  陕西省汉中市2327学校高一班  李宏伟

  评    语

  文章联系中秋节实际,情真意切。语句结构运用得也比较好,结尾也有耐人寻味之处。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)当表示时间的名词前加上every,last,next等词时,前面的介词可省去。

  (2)only位置后移,强调突出in the heaven更好。

  (3)Red Cross作为一个组织还是用“of属格”较好。

  (4)missing 不妥。

  (5)“形容词+表示人体一部分+ed”是一种常见的构词结构。如:broad-shouldered, long-legged, red-nosed等等。

  (6)加上over表示台湾与大陆的地理关系。

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