Q： When attorneys die， why do they bury them 600 feet underground？
A： Because deep down， they're really nice guys.
Q： If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building， which one hits first？
A： Who cares？
Q： How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road？
A： The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
Q： What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull？
Q： What do lawyers use for birth control？
A： Their personalities.
Q： What's the definition of mixed emotions？
A： Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q： How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb？
A： One； the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.
Q： How can you tell a lawyer is lying？
A： Other lawyers look interested.
Q： Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort？
A： Because they used to doing all of their lying indoors.
Q： What happened to the banker who went to law school？
A： Now she a loan shark.
Q： Where do vampires learn to suck blood？
A： Law school.
Q： How do you define double jeopardy？
A： When a lawyer calls in her partner.
Q： What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer？
A： All the information you need， but you can understand a word of it.
Q： What's worse than pleading guilty to murder？
A： Getting jail time and getting robbed——hiring an attorney to defend you.
Q： What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common？
A： You always hear about them， but you never see them.