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A Big Firecracker

2006-07-29 14:54

  On the Eve of Spring Festival, I went to my aunt's home to have dinner. Entering the room, I caught sight of a big firecracker (爆竹) standing on the floor. It was as tall as a table and as thick as a man's leg. How big it was! I had never seen such a big one [firecracker] (1)。 My cousin told us that he bought [had bought] (2) it that morning and that he would let it off after dinner. I was anxious to see how the big firecracker would go off and what loud noise it would make.

  As soon as the dinner was over, I carried the firecracker downstairs from the fifth floor. I placed it upright on the ground. My cousin called some of his friends to enjoy it [called some of his friends out to enjoy it] (3)。 My aunt did not dare to come down. She stayed upstairs standing on [at] (4) the balcony with her little granddaughter. My little brother stood far away from the firecracker covering his ears with his two hands. When everything was ready, my cousin fired it with a lighted cigarette, his eyes opened wide, his teeth set and his hand shaking. Every one of us held our breath waiting to see it blowing up. The fuse (导火线) sent forth “ci, ci, ci … ” with sparks (火花)。 Suddenly it stopped. We wondered what had happened, but nobody dared to go up to take a look. We waited anxiously. About two minutes later, still nothing had happened.

  “Well, what's wrong with it?” I cried, running towards the firecracker.

  Having examined it carefully, we were disappointed to find that the big firecracker was only a fake (假货,赝品)。

  江苏省南通市西公园中学高二(1)班  郑炜

  评    语

  内容有趣,结局出人意料。语言运用得也较好,尤其是动词用得很活,使全文虽短但很生动活泼。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)因为离前文提到的firecracker较远,还是不用代词one而用名词firecracker较好。

  (2)这里应用过去完成式。

  (3)call不用在“主+谓+宾+to do(宾补)”句型中。改后to enjoy it为“目的状语”。

  (4)这里介词改用at为好。

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