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An Unforgettable Classmate

2006-07-29 15:47

  In Grade One, I knew Xia Honglin, who left a deep impression on me. Now, I still often think of him.

  At school, Xia Honglin was always wearing thicker clothes. He never had classes of PE(体育课)and he seldom laughed. But he was very friendly to everyone. He always did exceedingly well in his studies. However hard we tried, no one could catch up with him. At a parents' meeting, his mother said,“My son's achievements depend on his efforts. He spends at least fourteen hours on study every day. He is having a race with time.”

  Soon, I knew [came to know] (1) the story of Xia Honglin. He had a serious heart disease. A year before he went to middle school, he had been installed an import cardiac pacemaker[had got an imported cardio-pacemaker(进口的心脏起搏器)implanted in his body] (2) This cost his family 100000 yuan, so his family became much poorer. As being [to be] (3) a university student was Xia Honglin's only wish, his three sisters had to discontinue their studies(辍学)to help their brother realize his wish. Having heard this story, I suddenly understood why Xia Honglin studied so hard——he wanted to repay his family with his hard work.

  Unfortunately, just in that year, in that cold winter, he caught a cold which caused heart trouble again. he was sent to hospital immediately. At night, he was suddenly very excited, so he took out the [a] (4) book to read and said to his parents: “Tomorrow, I will return to school.”But a few minutes later, his face suddenly turned black and he became short of breath. At the moment he seemed to realize that death would come [was coming] (5)。 He grasped his parents' hands:“Dad, Mom, I can't realize my wish. How I admire [envy] (6) my classmates, because they have a chance to go to school, while I don't have a chance any longer…”

  Now Xia Honglin has been dead for four years, but his image has been engraved(铭刻)on my memory. And his words“I don't have a chance any longer”will make me value more my chance of learning and study harder.

  江苏省盐城市中等专业学校94级经贸外语班  杨丽

  评    语

  作者讲述的是关于一个令人难忘的好学生,尽管身患重病,还是顽强地与病魔抗争,坚持学习,直至生命的最后一刻的故事。在即将离开这个美好世界的时候,他叹惜的不是别的,而是丧失了继续学习的机会。这对我们每一个健康的人来说是多么深刻的触动!富兰克林说过:Dost thou(你)love life? Then do not squander(浪费)time; for that's the stuff (材料)life is made of. 我们一定要珍惜时间,勤奋学习,才能对得起人生。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)come to know表示“开始了解”。

  (2)原句动词install表示“安装”。另外句型也有不妥之处,故改之。

  (3)还未实现的事情,用不定式为好,也可避免把as误认为介词。

  (4)这里上下文没有提到过book,不宜用the,用a为好。

  (5)用过去进行时表示即将发生之事,更为生动。

  (6)这里admire用得不对。很多学生想表示“羡慕”时,常用admire,其实admire并不对等“羡慕”。Longman词典对admire的解释是“regard…with pleasure and respect”或者“look at with pleasure”。显然,用在这里均不妥。其实,在很多场合我们所要表达的“羡慕”,要用envy这个动词。envy(或be envious)与be jealous不同,后者有贬义,而envy没有。

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