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A Visit to Yu Garden

2006-07-29 15:42

  I paid a visit to the Yu Garden(上海豫园)last Saturday. Great changes have taken place there. When I was there, an idea [it] (1) occurred to me that we young people should try our best to learn more about traditional Chinese culture.

  In the garden, there were groups of very magnificent(壮观的)ancient style buildings. Big red lanterns for the Lantern Festival and different kinds of antiques(古董)were on display. How wonderful they were! I began to realize that compared with the modern civilization, the traditional heritages(遗产)were more attractive.

  As we all know, our motherland is famous for its long and splendid history. We often speak proudly of ourselves as the descendants(后代)from this vast homeland of the dragon(龙)。 So I think it is our duty to pass on our traditional culture from generation to generation and to develop modern culture. However, the importance of this has not been properly appreciated(体会)。 These days young people are eager to celebrate Western holidays like Christmas Day, but show less interest in our traditional festivals. At our school, we study only certain subjects and merely touch some aspects of traditional Chinese culture, but do not have any chance to go deep into it.

  While walking around Yu Garden, I was lucky to be able to talk with an American visitor [to meet an American visitor and talk with him] (2)。 To my surprise, his knowledge of ancient Chinese civilization was much more than mine[he had much more knowledge of ancient Chinese civilization than I do](3)。 At that moment, I felt my face go red: Wasn't it a shame that a foreigner could tell me more about the culture of my own motherland?

  This visit to the Yu Garden is one of the most meaningful incidents I have ever had[things I have ever done](4)。 I have come to realize that we Chinese students ought to take an active part in the study of our traditional culture. This is a proper way to show our deep love for our great motherland, and it is significant for our own future as well.

  上海市大同中学高三(5)班  戴立琛

  评    语

  这是一篇夹叙夹议的记叙文。文章涉及到的是一个很有意义的问题:在改革开放、引进国外先进东西的同时,如何对待我国的传统文化。文章结合目前一些青年学生对西方文化较为热衷,庆祝圣诞节、情人节等西方节日的积极性胜过庆祝我国传统节日的现象,发表了自己的看法。作者选择了“与外国朋友交谈”这一细节,来衬托他对主题的思考,收到了较好的效果。

  文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)原文occur的主语用an idea是可以的,如:A good idea occurred to me. 但后接that从句时,虽然可理解为是idea的同位语从句,但习惯上还是多用形式主语it.

  (2)先交代meet再叙述到talk比较自然。

  (3)原句有中国式英语之嫌:“他的……比我的多。”

  (4)incident有“带有故事性质的事件”的含义,或指政治性事件,或指生活中的小事,这里用得不妥。

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