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Could We Really Have a Change?

2006-07-29 15:43

  The first day of the school term was the start of another boring period to me. I opened my pencil-box and glanced at the school time-table. It read“English”。

  “Oh, shit!”

  The bell rang and a quite young lady appeared at the door, pale and thin.“Class is begin[begins] (1), but don't stand up until you are asked,”she said in a low but pleasant voice.

  “My first lesson is to teach you how to bow(鞠躬)。”With these words, she put down the text book onto the table and made a perfect bow to all of us. For the first time all our attention [was] (2) cast(投向)on her. With a faint smile she looked not so beautiful. But I could find something unusual on[about] (3) her. This“something”had been quite familiar to me, when I had been in a key school.

  But now things are different. I failed in an important exam. So never have I had the same feelings since then. Definitely, we're the worst, and we shouldn't be treated as good ones. So teachers who give us lessons will have to do with a lot of noise, a burst of laughter sometimes, even a fierce interruption of someone's trick. But now standing in front of us was a little “witch”(4) who claimed to have a change. Could she?

  As usual, I heard my name called for being too talkative [talking too much in class] (5) and I was asked to go to the teacher's office after class.“Could you help me?”I was dumbfounded by her question.“But why?”“To tell you the truth, I've just graduated from school. I want a challenge. So I choose this school. I know all about you. I've no doubt that 90 percent of you are fairly clever. What you need are confidence and respect. Now I've taught you how to bow, how to respect others and how to gain respect by yourselves.”She went on, with hope in her eyes.

  Then the bell rang for the next lesson, which prevented me from making any promise. As I left, I asked myself:“Could we really have a change?”

  by Liu Yue

  评    语

  根据上下文,似乎可以看出作者是一个原先在重点学校学习但在升学考试时未能再升入重点学校因而变得有些自暴自弃的学生。新的外语教师在第一堂课便给他留下深刻印象,使他有所触动,但愿他能回答好自己在文章结尾时提出的问题,能有些变化,成为一个品学兼优的好学生。

  本文就语言而言颇有些小说味道,行文也较老练,但结尾较弱,文章中其他某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)原文动词用错了。

  (2)这里应该用被动语态。

  (3)介词用about为好。

  (4)witch用得有些过分。

  (5)talkative是对一个人经常行为的评述,用来表示作者在某一堂课上讲话太多,欠妥。

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