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Newly issued alcohol warnings

2006-07-08 02:27

  The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

  1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

  2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

  3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

  4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

  5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

  6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

  7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

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