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Ghosts

2006-07-29 15:25

  I don't believe in ghosts. But I often heard people, especially old people, talk about ghosts. It is said that ghosts often appear at night.

  One night when I was ten years old, I had a long walk with my grandmother along a river. The weather was not so fine. There were few stars in the sky and a quiet moon was going through the black clouds.

  Just then the moon was wholly covered by the clouds and it was pitch-dark all around. Suddenly, my grandmother put her arms around me, picked me up and began to run as fast as she could.

  Only when she was quite out of breath, did she put me down. Shocked by her action, I asked her what had happened. She looked behind nervously, and said positively, “Just now, I … I saw a ghost sitting on the river bank, who [. [It] (1) had bright blue eyes, a big mouth, and long white hair. If I didn't take [hadn't taken] (2) you and ran [run] (3) so fast, you and I would have been taken away by the ghost.”

  The next morning, I went back home from the [a] (4) relative I had visited, along the same river bank. Again I saw the “ghost” —— a pile of earth, with some dry grain grass on top of it. Remembering what had happened the night before, I laughed heartily.

  Obviously, ghosts don't exist in reality but only in people's fancy!

  江苏省徐州柳新矿校  苏德宏

  评    语

  全文简洁生动,气氛渲染较为成功,最后的结论也很有说服力。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)这是grandmother说的话,属口语体,况且为了强调ghost的外貌,用who引导的定语从句不够好,不如用It作主语另起一句。

  (2)、(3)这里表示与过去相反的事实,If从句要用过去完成时。

  (4)relative是第一次提到,不能用定冠词the.

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