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Business one-liners 11

2006-07-08 09:06

  I knocked several times, but you weren't in. - Opportunity

  I once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one.

  I think we should really add to the confusion…… Let's call in (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial……)

  I think……therefore I am confused.

  I will get it done when I get it done!

  I would give $1000 to be a millionaire.

  I've got to stop getting fired like this. People will start to think I'm a drifter. - Lee Iacocca

  If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.

  If a man advances confidently in the direction of his dreams to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau

  If a program is useful it will be changed, if it is useless, it will be documented.

  If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.

  If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

  If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

  If an item is advertised as “under $50”, you can bet it's not $19.95.

  If anything can go wrong, it will.

  If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.

  If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

  If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your supervisor.

  If at first you don't succeed, cheat!

  If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

  If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a stupid fool.

  If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

  If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your sport.

  If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset.

  If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

  If at first you don't succeed, well……darn.

  If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.

  If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

  If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

  If at first you don't succeed, your successor will.

  If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

  If enough data is collected, anything can be proven by statistical methods.

  If everything is coming your way, you are probably in the wrong lane.

  If everything seems to be going well, you obviously do not know what the hell is going on.

  If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.

  If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

  If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.

  If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?

  If I your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

  If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

  If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic.

  If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.

  If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology.

  If it doesn't work, expand it.

  If it happens, it must be possible.

  If it is good, they will stop making it.

  If it is incomprehensible, it's mathematics.

  If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.

  If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing.

  If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

  If it looks too good to be true, it is too good to be true.

  If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn't fit anyone.

  If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

  If it works, don't fix it!

  If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport.

  If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.

  If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

  If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.

  If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.

  If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.

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