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A Night Visitor

2006-07-29 15:39

  I live in a small house in the countryside. While life is peaceful and comfortable, I often feel bored, for there is nothing new or interesting. But a few days ago, something moved me very much.

  One night, I was at home alone. Father and Mother had gone to see the doctor. Suddenly, it began to rain. The lightning flashed across the sky and I could hear the sound of(1) the rain beating the ground. Just at this [that] (2) time, I heard something. It was not the rain, not the wind, not the lightning. I really heard something, just outside the door. I wished it were April Fool's Day. I wished it were my friends' joke. I really got frightened. But I was so curious that eventually I opened the door. Oh! A cat! A poor cat! She lay on the floor, wet all over. I at once held it in the arms and shut the door. It was much warmer in the house. Soon she felt better and began to walk around the room. I gave her some hot milk to drink and some delicious food to eat. Now I could see her clearly. I had never seen so lovely a cat. She was so white and neat that I wanted very much to touch her slightly[gently] (3)。 After a very short time, she was in better conditions. She was a very naughty girl. We played together. Soon, we became good friends.

  We spent several wonderful days together, but I knew she was not mine. I had to find her owner though I really didn't want to. We parted(分手)at last. I miss her very much now and I think she must have the same feeling. I will never forget this night visitor.

  南京外国语学校高三(2)班  王岚

  评语

  生活中的一件小事,写得较为生动。语言结构使用准确贴切,如:wet all over, so lovely a cat, in better conditions等。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)这里 the sound of可以省去,句子反而简洁生动。

  (2)回忆过去那个时候,应该用that.

  (3)slightly指程度“轻”,如:feel slightly ill, just slightly too much salt in the soup.动作“轻”,一般用 gently或softly.

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