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A Moving Scene

2006-07-29 15:38

  It was a sunny spring day. I was flying a kite with my classmate Tong Ling in the field. Suddenly we saw a little boy running towards us, crying.

  “What's the matter, little brother?”I asked.

  “Dad…dad…”the boy was too frightened to speak clearly.

  “Come on, come on. Tell us what has happened to your dad, and we'll help him.”

  “We were flying a kite over there just now. Dad was walking backward. He didn't see the[a] (1) well(井)behind him and fell into it,”the boy said.

  “Oh, it's terrible. Take us to the well. Let's hurry.”

  It was a dry well and it was so deep that I couldn't see its bottom when I looked into it.

  “Are you all right?”I shouted into the well. please.“

  Then from the bottom came a weak voice,“Please help me out. Or ask some other people to come. Be quick, please.”

  I told Tong Ling to stay at the well to look after the child. Then I started to run back to the school as fast as I could. I was out of breath when I saw a police[a policeman] (2) on duty near the school gate. I told him about the matter and asked him for help.

  Twenty minutes later a group of policemen rushed to the scene with ropes, boards, and steel tubes. A young policeman asked to be lowered down into the well.

  Ten minutes, and twenty minutes passed. People were waiting around the well anxiously. Each [passing] (3) minute seemed like a year. At last people raised a shout of joy——the man was helped out of the well. But he was badly injured. Immediately he was carried on a stretcher(担架)by the policemen to the nearest hospital.

  It was the most moving scene I had ever seen with my own eyes, which will be kept in my mind forever.

  陕西省长安205研究所附中高二  Liang Jinsui

  评    语

  能较好地运用对话以及长短变化的句型来烘托紧张的气氛,增强文章的故事性。全文使用了大量的动词,一环扣一环,给人以一气呵成的感觉。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)第一次提到那井,应该用不定冠词。

  (2)police是集合名词,作复数用:The police have caught the murderer.“一个警察”,一般不能说a police,而要说a policeman或a policewoman.“几个警察”,要说policemen或policewomen.

  (3)加上passing更强调“正在流逝的每分钟时间”。

相关热词:写作 范文

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