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A Trip to the Jinhua Hill

2006-07-29 14:40

  It was a fine day. Summer had already come. After breakfast, Father suggested that we go to the Jinhua Hill for a tour [trip](1)。 What a wonderful idea! We all agreed joyfully [readily](2)。

  About an hour's ride by bus, we got to the Jinhua Hill. [An hour's bus-ride brought us to the Jinhua Hill] (3)。It was known for Chen Zi'ang(陈子昂), who was born in Tang Dynasty and was a great poet at that time [ a great poet in Tang Dynasty(朝代)] (4)。 To this day his poems were still read [In the present-day, his poems are still widely read](5)。After getting off the bus, we entered the entrance [made for the entrance to the hill park] (6)。How fresh the air was! It was pleasing to get near to nature: trees, grass, flowers——all those lovely things were around us. I heard birds singing in the trees. Were they reading [chirping(鸣唱)](7)the poet's lines?  Along the path, we began to climb up the hill.

  In a few minutes,  we came to Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion (亭阁)。 Several hundred years ago, Chen used to read books there. While entering the gate [Entering the pavilion] (8),we saw a portrait of the poet. There were also some other pictures and handwriting [works of calligraphy (书法)] (9) on the wall, from which you could know something about the poet's life. In order to uphold justice, he lost his life, but he had no regret.

  Thinking of the poet, I also thought of myself. As a modern young man, what should I do? I should be like the poet and try my best to be useful to our society.

  四川省三台县三台中学  张  耘

  评    语

  写游记,最忌面面俱到,报“流水账”。这篇游记在记叙中有面有点,有详有略,在突出描述 Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion 的同时,有感而发,颇为自然。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)tour 一般指到几个地方巡回旅游,故改为trip.

  (2)汉语的“欣然同意”译成 to agree readily 比较符合英语习惯。在面临两种(或更多)选择时,中国学生往往选择接近汉语的一种表达方式,而忽略地道的英语表达方式(尽管两种都对)。我们要养成选择符合英语思维的表达方式的习惯,这在很大程度上要依靠我们去自觉地学习和模仿。

  (3)参见(2)

  (4)原句较散,改后简洁。

  (5)至今还在读,故用现在时为好。

  (6)、(8)原句为中国式英语。汉语可以说“进门”,英语要么说 enter the room 要么说 go through the door, enter the door成了人钻入门板里去了。

  (7)改为 chirping更生动。

  (9)表示“书法”,要用 calligraphy. handwriting 指“笔迹”或一个人的书写手迹。

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