外语教育网
您的位置:外语教育网 > 基础英语 > 英语写作 > 写作范文 正文
  • 站内搜索:

Ugly Rats, I Hate You

2006-07-29 15:23

  More and more rats have been visiting my bedroom since summer harvest. Maybe you won't believe it but there are more than 20 new and old holes [holes, old and new] (1) ,in the walls of my room. Of course, I have tried to block them up with cement (水泥) , but that didn't work. Next morning, new holes will simply appear. During the night, I am often woken up by the terrible beasts [creatures] (2)。I am sure I will be driven mad some day if nothing is done to deal with them.

  Last night, I went to bed earlier than usual, for [because] (3) the next day we were going to have an important examination. How much I wanted to have a good rest, but the rats wouldn't give me a chance. They woke me up just the moment I fell asleep. Instead of getting up, I stayed in bed for a while in order to know what the rats were doing after all. The ugly animals clearly regarded my room as a club of their own, chasing each other happily here and there, climbing up the bedstead (床架) and making a lot of terrible noise. No sooner had I turned on the light than all of them either slipped into their holes or rushed out through the window. I could do nothing about them, and went to sleep again. But it was not long before the rats bothered me again [returned again] (4)。 Some rude rat ran across my forehead quickly. [One of them was daring enough to run across my forehead quickly.] (5) I was frightened. Turning on the light, I got off the bed angrily and wanted to give them a lesson. All rats except the biggest ran away at once. With a thick dictionary in my hand, I tiptoed towards the big rat. It was nearer and nearer. [I got nearer and nearer.] (6) “Damn you!” Out flied the dictionary from my hand. The ugly rat shrieked and fled away, leaving a piece of her tail on the floor. I picked it up, and hung it near the window to warn other rats. Meanwhile I put some paper into the holes to stop the rats out. I spent almost a whole night fighting with the rats.

  This morning, however, in return for what I did last night, three new holes have appeared in the wall. Ugly rats, how I hate you. But I won't give up. I am determined to launch a war against you until you are all wiped out.

  江西省南康县横市中学高二(2)班  罗雪萍

  评    语

  文章描写与老鼠斗争,写得很有特色。老鼠的行为刻画得生动准确,并有一点幽默。动词选用得当,使整篇文章动作感很强。句型变化也较多,主从句、并列句、倒装、转折搭配得都比较好。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)并列对比的形容词放在被修饰词后面为好,又如:Along the river you can see many beautiful ships, large and small.

  (2)beast多指四足的较大的动物,这里还是改成creature 较自然。

  (3)for作为并列连接词,可以表示原因,但只是一种补充说明,并非句子重心,且与前句无因果关系。这里根据上下文,改用because,既表现出“不得不早睡”,又反衬出老鼠捣乱的可恶。

  (4)据Longman词典,bother意思为trouble in little ways,这里不妥,不如改为:returned again更加含蓄,使人想知道老鼠下一步又要干什么了。

  (5)原句中rude用得不妥。some表示“某个”也不恰当,故改之。

  (6)原句让人感觉老鼠在一步步逼近,故改之。

相关热词:写作 范文

上一篇:Love of Life

下一篇:My Grandmother

栏目相关课程表
科目名称 主讲老师 课时 免费试听 优惠价 购买课程
英语零起点 郭俊霞 30课时 试听 150元/门 购买
综艺乐园 ------ 15课时 试听 100元/门 购买
边玩边学 ------ 10课时 试听 60元/门 购买
情景喜剧 ------ 15课时 试听 100元/门 购买
欢乐课堂 ------ 35课时 试听 150元/门 购买
趣味英语速成 钟 平 18课时 试听 179元/门 购买
剑桥少儿英语预备级 (Pre-Starters) ------ ------ 试听 200元/门 购买
剑桥少儿英语一级 (Starters) ------ ------ 试听 200元/门 购买
剑桥少儿英语二级 (Movers) ------ ------ 试听 200元/门 购买
剑桥少儿英语三级 (Flyers) ------ ------ 试听 200元/门 购买
初级英语口语 ------ 55课时 ------ 350元/门 购买
中级英语口语 ------ 83课时 ------ 350元/门 购买
高级英语口语 ------ 122课时 ------ 350元/门 购买
基础英语辅导课程
郭俊霞 北京语言大学毕业,国内某知名中学英语教研组长,教学标兵……详情>>
郭俊霞:零基础英语网上辅导名师
钟平 北大才俊,英语辅导专家,累计从事英语教学八年,机械化翻译公式发明人……详情>>
钟平:趣味英语速成网上辅导名师

  1、凡本网注明 “来源:外语教育网”的所有作品,版权均属外语教育网所有,未经本网授权不得转载、链接、转贴或以其他方式使用;已经本网授权的,应在授权范围内使用,且必须注明“来源:外语教育网”。违反上述声明者,本网将追究其法律责任。
  2、本网部分资料为网上搜集转载,均尽力标明作者和出处。对于本网刊载作品涉及版权等问题的,请作者与本网站联系,本网站核实确认后会尽快予以处理。本网转载之作品,并不意味着认同该作品的观点或真实性。如其他媒体、网站或个人转载使用,请与著作权人联系,并自负法律责任。
  3、联系方式
  编辑信箱:for68@chinaacc.com
  电话:010-82319999-2371