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Perseverance

2006-07-29 15:51

  When we come across anything difficult, we must persevere (坚忍不拔,不屈不挠)。 A person can succeed only through perseverance.

  During the summer holidays in 1995, I had an exciting trip——climbing Mount Tai with my parents and my sister.

  On the trip, my parents wanted to take a cable car(缆车)to reach the top of the mountain while my sister and I insisted on climbing it by ourselves.

  “OK,”my mother said.“But make sure that you get to Nan Tian Men in two hours.”

  I went to a shop nearby to buy some mineral water(矿泉水), two climbing sticks and some other things that I thought we might need.“Are they any good for climbing?”my sister asked. “Yes. I think they're worth buying. We must prepare ourselves to solve(1)the problems we shall[may] (2)meet with and they will do us good(3),”I replied.

  On our way of climbing, nearly everything I had bought proved of some practical use, and it proved that I was in the right(4)。 But it was not long before we felt very tired.“If only I had followed Mum and Dad,”my sister complained.

  Just then, some farmer-like men came up. They called out to us:“Do you want to take sedan-chairs(轿子)?They're both cheap and comfortable.”With a smile I said,“Well, we'd rather climb to the top of the mountain by ourselves. Thank you all the same.”

  “Why not…”my sister looked at me in surprise.“Oh, don't give up!”I told her.“You know, there will certainly be some more difficulties before us. But if we persevere, we are sure to succeed.”

  We climbed on for some more time, singing and laughing. Now judging from the map, we knew that Nan Tian Men was within easy reach. Full of self-confidence, we quickened our steps.

  When we reached it, my parents looked at us in praise.

  “Youngsters always have more energy,”my mother said. “When I came here twenty years ago, I climbed the mountain by myself, too.”

  “Really?”my father said.“And I remember that [for](5)nearly an hour you were on my back!”

  上海市延安中学高一(6)班  陈文娟

  评    语

  这是一篇较为出色的作文,无论是构思、立意,还是结尾处的幽默都反映出作者较强的写作能力。另外,全文在英语文字的运用方面也显得较为老练,如用了一些学生较难使用的词语和结构:make sure, are they any good for…, proved of some practical use, within easy reach等等。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)尽管可以说prepare oneself to do sth.。但这里似乎用介词for更为简洁。

  (2)用may口气更委婉一些。

  (3)原句中they似乎指代不是很清楚,另外,如在句尾加上then,语气会更顺一些。

  (4)根据上下文,这句话是多余的。

  (5)加上介词for表示时间的持续。

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