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The Greatest Thing

2006-07-29 15:48

  The final exams would begin the next morning, but the maths teacher was still giving us new classes. We should be [could have been] (1) at home if she hadn't talked so much. It was raining outside, and it was turning dark.

  At last she ended her class. I quickly ran out of the classroom carrying my maths textbook. I got on my bike and rode it away from school.

  There was[were] (2) hardly any people in the street, because it was raining hard and it was very late. The rain was so heavy that all around me was water. All I could hear was the noise of the rain. Thinking about my lessons and the exam the next day, I rode faster. Suddenly, some raindrop fell into my eyes and I could not see anything. I tried to open my eyes, but I can't[couldn't] (3) see clearly. Just then, a man appeared ahead. He was carrying a basket, slowly walking along the street. I couldn't stop my bike until it hit him. We both fell.

  I then saw clearly that he was an old man of[about] (4) 60. He lay on the ground, groaning(呻吟)。 The food in the basket went everywhere. My heart nearly stop[stopped] (5) beating.“Will he be hurt [Has he got hurt] (6)? Will I have to pay for the[spoiled] (7) food?”With these worries, I got my bike up and hurried off without a word.“Hey, my boy, come back!”the old man cried. I didn't stop and rode away.

  I still felt frightened when I got home. I thought I should not go [should not have gone] (8) away like that. But the wrong thing had been done. What could I do then? I tried not to think of the accident and began to review my lessons, but I could not find my maths textbook anywhere. I suddenly realized that I must have left it in the place where I hit the old man.

  In order to get back the book for reviewing, I rode back there. The food was still there, but the man had gone——there was no book.“Oh, my silly boy,”I said to myself,“why weren't you more careful? Why did you hit him? Why did you go away so shamefully? Now the old man must have taken the book away as punishment for you. You deserve that!”

  I was thus thinking when I suddenly saw something under a tree nearby. I ran there and found that it was a bowl. Under the bowl was my maths textbook. It was dry. My eyes were filled with tears. I could not help crying and I could not help feeling ashamed of what I had done.

  And now when I look back, I am still moved. He was one of the greatest men I've ever met in my life. He easily excused[forgave](9)me, a student who hurt him, and gave the maths textbook back to me. What he gave me was actually not only that book but something more. He let me know how to love others and then how to be loved. I'll always remember him and thank him.

  安徽省繁昌县一中初三(1)班  王飞

  评    语

  文章记载了一件令人难忘的往事,富有教育意义。作者对文章的结构作了精心的处理。开头几段看似与主题无关,但为以后“急匆匆赶路闯了祸”埋下伏笔。对老人的描写虽然不多,但通过作者内心的独白,老人宽容的胸襟得到了很好的表现。作者通过词语、句型的运用,对环境气氛也作了较为成功的渲染。但作者在某些极为基础性的语法上犯了不应犯的错误,如主谓一致,时态呼应等方面。另外,虚拟语气的使用也不够熟练。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)对过去事情的虚拟,用“情态动词+have+过去分词”,这里用could表示“本来有可能”。

  (2)、(3)、(5)、(6)这些都是基础性的时态、主谓一致的语法问题。

  (4)、(7)分别加上about,spoiled使行文更为自然、清楚。

  (8)表示“原本不该发生却发生了的事”,用should not have done或ought not to have done.顺便提一下,表示“原本该发生而没发生的事”,用should have done/ought to have done.

  (9)这里用excuse语义太弱,改用forgive为好。

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