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2006-07-29 14:55

  Once a man died, and God sent a spirit (妖精) to him. “Come with me,” the spirit said. The man followed him. They walked without a word till they got to a fork (贫口) in the road. Then the spirit made the man stop.

  “Now, make your choice, sir,” the spirit said. “If you turn right, you will get to the heaven. Turn left, and it leads you to the hell. Choose your way!”

  The man kept silence for a while. Then he asked, “What's the heaven like?”

  The spirit made a clap. Two angels appeared. They carried a picture with them. On the picture there were flowers, grass, brooks and hills. Obviously, that was a peaceful picture.

  The man looked at it for a minute, and then asked, “Now,what about the hell?”

  The spirit clapped twice. Two ghosts appeared, carrying a picture, too. On their picture there were beauties and gold. “Now, made your choice, man,” the spirit repeated. The man turned left and walked forward.

  After a while, he reached the hell. He was very surprised to see the [a] (1) terrible scene. Fire, snakes, coffins and death's heads fill [filled] (2)there. The man was frightened by that.

  Just then, a ghost came up to him. “I know you'll come,” he said. The man recognized that this ghost was one of the two he saw [had seen ] (3) just now at the fork.

  “That…” the man pointed to the coffins and snakes, but he couldn't finish a sentence.

  “Oh, that's the hell, you now understand?” the ghost laughed.

  “But just now …” the man was still puzzled.

  “Oh, brother, that's our advertisement!” the ghost replied.

  原无锡市青山中学  曹寅珺

  评    语

  这是一篇记叙文体的英语寓言,写得很有寓意。全文用词较流畅,对话也设计得较好。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)那人刚到地狱,眼前的情景是他从没见到过的,也是上文没交代过的,故不宜用the,用不定冠词a较好。

  (2)原文fill时态错了,可能是笔误。练习写作,一定要一丝不苟,避免一切不应犯的错误。

  (3)用过去完成时had seen能更好地表现动作的先后关系。

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