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An Unforgettable Experience

2006-07-29 14:41

  Last summer holiday, my mother and I went to Shandong for a visit.

  One morning, I walked along the beach alone. Suddenly, I found a little girl wearing a broken shirt[in a shabby shirt] (1) following me. Then I stopped my feet, and she stopped too, looking at me. Soon, she came over, and stood right in front of me. She held out her right hand and opened the five fingers [her palm] (2)——there was a beautiful pearl necklace. I liked it, but I remembered my mother had already bought several such necklaces for me, so I said to her, “I'm sorry, I won't buy it, because I have already bought one of this kind. ”

  That little girl looked at my eyes and said pitifully , “This one is for you, I only need some money to buy a pencil.” When I heard this, I didn't know what to say. I searched in my bag, and tried to find some money. I wanted to give it to the girl if I could find some. It's a pity I can't [couldn't ] ( 3 ) find any money, but only a piece of bread. I gave it to the poor girl,  and she wolfed it down.

  After she ate it up, she was ready to leave. But she put the necklace into my hand before she went away quickly. I held the necklace and looked at the little back of the little girl disappearing in the distance. I was very sorry I couldn't do anything to help her. But I hope she can have a pencil for herself soon.

  珠海市第七中学初三(2)班  梁玉琼

  评    语

  文章记叙的事情确实令人难忘。当我们拥有优越的生活和学习条件时,决不能忘记还有一些贫穷的孩子需要我们的关心和帮助。全国上下进行的“希望工程”正是反映了党中央、全国人民对贫困地区孩子的关心。我们一方面应该为“希望工程”尽力,另一方面要珍惜自己的学习条件,多学知识,改变落后的面貌,为祖国的富强作出贡献。文章对人物的描写十分出色,语言运用得也不错。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)原文有中国式英语之嫌,故改之。

  (2)根据上下文,这里应该是“展开手掌”。

  (3)根据上下文,这里应该用过去时。

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