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Business one-liners 13

2006-07-08 09:11

  If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.

  If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.

  If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.

  If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.

  If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.

  If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.

  If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.

  If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

  If you understand it, it is obsolete.

  If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.

  It works better if you plug it in.

  If you want to get along, go along.

  If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.

  If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

  Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.

  Illegitimus non Carborundem: “Don't let the scum bags grind you down”

  In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

  In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.

  In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

  In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.

  In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

  It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right.

  In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.

  In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

  In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.

  In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

  Incompetence is a double-edged banana.

  Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. - Andrew Young, American politician

  Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.

  Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always chosen intelligently. - Larry Niven 'Protector'

  Interchangable parts won't.

  Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

  It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  Indecision is the key to flexibility.

  Indifference is the only sure defense.

  Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.

  Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

  Information's pretty thin stuff, unless mixed with experience.

  Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

  Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.

  Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.

  Interchangeable parts won't.

  Is there life before coffee?

  It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either if you speak when your head is empty.

  It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

  It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose.

  It is a dog-eat-dog world out there and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.

  It is a poor workman who blames his tools.

  It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor class.

  It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than it is to speak and remove all doubt. Moral: think before you speak. Or engage the brain when engaging the mouth.

  It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.

  It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

  It is important to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.

  It is impossible to build a foolproof system, because fools are so ingenious.

  It just doesn't get any Beta than this.

  It is incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove nonsense.

  It is later than you think.

  It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

  It is not enough to tell me you worked hard to get your gold. The devil works hard too.

  It is not how someone measures up. It is how they measure you.

  It is not sufficient to be a success; it is also necessary for your friends to be failures.

  It is not true that life is one thing after another, it's one stupid thing over and over.

  It is okay to be ignorant in some areas, but some people abuse the privilege.

  It is the dead wood that holds up the tree.

  It is when you trip over your own shoes that you start picking up shoes.

  It isn't that they can't see the solution, it's that they can't see the problem.

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