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I Love You

2006-07-29 14:54

  I will forever remember my former classmate, Xiao Hui.

  She is not very pretty,  but she has bright eyes. I can always feel the warmth of her eyes whenever I am sad or alone. Once I failed in the math examination. I was so depressed that I felt as if the end of the world had been coming. It was Xiao Hui who encouraged me. She gave me a beautiful card on which she wrote “Cheer Up” . I can always remember what she said —— As Long as you try hard, I believe that you will succeed later.

  I always felt peaceful when I was with Xiao Hui. I could always tell her my secrets. I know that I must have been naive sometimes, but she patiently listened to [listened to me patiently] (1) , with a smile on her face. Quite often we did not talk anything. We just sat there and enjoyed the music that both of us liked. I am fortunate to have such a close friend.

  However, things changed one day.

  That was a warm afternoon. When we were having a walk in the campus [on (the) campus] (2) as usual, she suddenly put her arms around me and gave me a big hug. “You are my best friend,” she said. “I love you. But tomorrow I'll leave for Suzhou to live with my parents.” I was so surprised that I could hardly utter a word. Tears ran down my cheeks. I didn't want her to leave me.

  After a while, she left me. I watched her back. I knew she was also weeping. Nobody had ever said “I love you” to me before —— nobody but Mum and Dad. I was greatly moved. I realized that the genuine friendship was the most precious feeling in the world.

  When someone loves you truly, your heart will be filled with warmth and happiness.

  南京外国语学校  雷莹

  评    语

  全文情真意切,很有感染力,特别是文章后半部分设计的突然转折,对引出主题起到了较好作用。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)patiently为方式状语,无需特别强调时,正常位置应在动词后面较为自然。

  (2)campus前习惯用介词on,the也可省去。

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