A man was talking to his friend about how he hated to go home after a late card game.
“You wouldn't believe what I go through to avoid waking my wife，” he said. “First， I kill the engine a block from the house and coast into garage. Then I open the door slowly. Next I take off my shoes and tiptoe into our room. But just as I'm about to slide into bed， she always wakes up and gives me a hell.”
“I make a big racket when I go home，” his friend said.
“Sure. I honk the hone， slam the door， turn on all the lights， stomp up the bedroom and give my wife a big kiss， 'Hi， Alice，' I say， 'How about a little smooch for your old man？'”
“And what does she say？” his friend asked him in disbelief.
“She doesn't say anything，” his buddy replied. “She always pretends she's asleep.”