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The Memories in Rain

2006-07-29 15:36

  It is raining outside——I like the rain of spring. I prefer sitting[enjoy sitting](1) around while hearing the rain singing gently. Also[gently, as](2)I like to be reminded of an American friend by the splendid rain.

  It's two years since I met Christopher when spring-wind was waving on[breezing over](3) the Bund(上海外滩)and the rain was caressing us in the face. We talked so much as if we'd been close friends, though it was the first time we'd met. I told him I loved the Bund because it was there that I could make up my mind to do things when I watched the Huangpu river flowing and the Orient Pearl TV Tower Standing [admired the Orient Pearl TV Tower](4)。 He told me he loved the Bund of Shanghai today, because it was from there that he could get a view of the great construction taking place in China and the hard working Chinese people. Then we were talking cheerfully in the rain, and also from then on I liked rain for [came to like spring rain because] (5) it reminded me of Christopher.

  Christopher once asked me to show him some places where he could enjoy typical Chinese food. Thinking that he came from a mid-class family in US. I took him to an expensive restaurant. But he insisted on eating at Yunnan Food Street, which was next to the restaurant. I thought maybe as a tourist he was more curious about common people's food. But when he told me he chose Yunnan Food Street because it was cheaper, I was puzzled——his first time in Shanghai, not being short of money…why? Then he explained to me: Young American people like to be independent. They want little from their parents. If they want something expensive, they'll avoid relying on others. Instead, they will find a job in their spare time and save enough money. Christopher also told me that all of his money for this tour had been earned when he went to university in the daytime and went to work at night, and not a single dollar had been provided by his parents. What a great surprise I got!

  It is still raining. I like the rain as it brings the greetings from the other side of the world.

  上海市李惠利中学高三(1)班  缪佳欣

  评    语

  从春雨带来的回忆入手,描述与一位美国朋友的交往,重点突出了年轻人应该如何自立这一值得思索的问题。行文较流畅,文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)prefer后可接动名词或不定式。但一般来说,后接动名词时,往往后面要有“介词to+另一动名词(表示不喜欢的动作)”与之呼应,如:

  I prefer sitting to standing.

  He preferred staying at home to going to the cinema.

  而接不定式时,后面可以用“rather than+动词原形”引出不喜欢做的动作,也可不用,如:

  I prefer to sit rather than stand.

  I prefer to sit.

  另外,这里根据上下文,似乎并没有相比较而不喜欢的动作,因此,还是改为enjoy比较好。

  (2)从I prefer…到…the splendid rain这两句话,有内在联系,后句好像是前句的原因,从全文结尾也可看出这点,不如改为主从句,用as表示原因。

  (3)春风微微,可用动词breeze,介词on改成over为好。

  (4)watch的对象往往是在活动的,watch Huangpu River flowing可以,但watch the Orient Pearl TV Tower standing这样静态的东西就有些不自然,故改为admire.

  (5)这里要改为“came to like…”,表示渐变过程,比原句自然。

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