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Barbara and Her Hammer

2006-07-29 15:27

  I am a hammer. My name is Gutie. I was made by my owner, Barbara.I was a useless piece of iron and steel four days ago. “Grandpa Time” had given me old shabby yellow clothes. My face was full of bumps and hollows. They called me and my fellows slovenliness (邋遢)。 Though Mum told me that we were once [had once been] (1) very smart, nobody noticed me now.

  Fortunately, this Saturday I met Barbara. I happened to be heard [hear] (2) that Barbara was a senior one student. Their teacher took them to the workshop to make a hammer by themselves. How hard! Only five days to give me a new look. The teachers must have been crazy, mustn't [weren't] (3) they?

  Poor Barbara would give up!

  I was afraid to guess how ugly she would make me. Look at her hands. They were white and fat. It meant the hands belonged to a pampered (娇养的) girl.

  For Goodness' sake, I only wish [wished] (4) she would do as well as I expected [had expected] (5)。 But finally it didn't turn out that way. She was the most diligent and assiduous(刻苦的) girl I'd ever seen. When others were having a rest, or going out, or chatting with each other, she just held a file (锉刀), filing me hard. While she was working, I was looking into her eyes. Though I made no sound, the sight would break anyone's heart. I looked so helpless! And it seemed as if Barbara could understand me.

  Most people think we hammers have no lives, but they are wrong. Everything in the universe has their [its] (6) own world, their [its] (7) own language and their [its] (8) own thought.

  I'm not making a fuss. To save my life and make mebrighter, Barbara did all she could. She even cut her fingers sometimes. I saw her feel sad. What's more, she once even meant to stop working. But at last she did not let me down. She continued filing me smooth.

  I know the job must be as dirty as dust, but it has already been finished now. And now I'm lying in Barbara's bookcase. She said to me, “Creativeness is a  blessing. Cherish any beautiful memory. And let's not forget our  short, happy tale.”

  上海市第三女子中学高二(2)班  任宇芳

  评    语

  高中学生都要参加社会实践活动,包括学工劳动。文章描写的是一个娇嫩而稚气未脱的女孩被要求把一块毛钢在5天内制成一把光滑的小铁锤,想来也不是件简单活。但在女孩幽默的笔调中,我们看到了劳动的喜悦,看到了当今学生生活的侧面。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)此处应该用过去完成式,表示时间先于told和noticed.

  (2)这里用被动语态是错误的。

  (3)对must have done的反意疑问句,如果是明确表示对过去动作的推测,一般在反意问句中用did,were,was等,如:He must have gone to Shanghai yesterday,didn't he?

  (4)、(5)整个故事是叙述已发生的事情,wish要用wished,expected要用had expected.

  (6)、(7)、(8)everybody,everyone作主语时,相应代词可用his或their,但everything作主语时,相应的代词一般用其单数形式its.

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