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Business one-liners 07

2006-07-08 08:57

  The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket.

  The deadline is one week after the original deadline.

  The deficiency will never show itself during the test run.

  The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.

  The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.

  The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don't have to explain why.

  The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.

  The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

  The early worm deserves the bird.

  The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.

  The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

  The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.

  The explanation of a disaster will be made by a stand-in.

  The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

  The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

  The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

  The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

  The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

  The first myth of management is that it exists; the second myth of management is that success equals skill.

  The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all of the parts.

  The first time is for love, the next time is $200.

  The floggings will continue until morale improves.

  The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

  The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

  The hardness of the butter is in inverse proportion to the softness of the bread.

  The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

  The idea is to die young as late as possible.

  The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

  The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.

  The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.

  The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

  The longer the title the less important the job.

  The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

  The meek shall inherit the earth, but only after we're done with it.

  The meek shall inherit the earth, but not it's mineral rights.

  The moment for calm and rational discussion is past; now is the time for senseless bickering.

  The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

  The more directives you issue to solve a problem, the worse it gets.

  The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher probability of its success.

  The more things change, the more they stay insane.

  The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.

  The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.

  The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

  The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.

  The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

  The most interesting results happen only once.

  The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.

  The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

  The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

  The obscure a bureaucrat may see eventually; the completely apparent takes forever.

  The obscure we see eventually; the completely apparent takes a little longer.

  The one item you want is never the one on sale.

  The one thing that money can not buy is poverty.

  The one who does the least work will get the most credit.

  The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.

  The one you want is never the one on sale.

  The only important information in a hierarchy is who knows what.

  The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.

  The only real errors are human errors.

  The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.

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