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Happy New Year, My Teacher

2006-07-29 14:42

  It was time for lunch. I hurried out of the classroom and ran into the dining-room. It[The dining-room ](1) was big, but it was already full of teachers and students and, of course, much noise, too.

  I was standing in the line for dishes when the foreign teacher of English came in and stood just behind me and talked with another teacher. At lunch time I always saw her. She was slim and beautiful and smiled kindly, with books in her hand. She didn't teach me [my class] (2) . But I was would-be student of hers [I supposed that she would teach us soon ] ( 3 ) . Christmas was over and the new year was coming nearer and nearer [drawing near] (4)。 I must say hello to her, I thought, for I respected her very much and I had never talked to a foreigner, esp. [especially ] (5) a teacher of English. The chance came at last. Sooner[No sooner] (6) had she finished talking with the teacher than I turned around. “Excuse me?” said I[I said] (7) , not very loudly but clearly. “Yes?” she answered, looking at me, puzzled. “Happy new year to you!” I raised my voice. “Thank you very much, ”she said quickly. Then I had a short talk with her and I learned she didn't like steamed bread but enjoyed baked bread. Filled with her courage [Encouraged by her ] ( 8 ) , I talked more easily than before. I also learned she was married  and still had no child and her husband had returned to the United States .“I'm sorry to hear that,” I said to her, “Happy new year to your husband, too. Thank you very, very much for your hard work here at our school.” She understood and smiled happily. I wished her to have no sense of loneliness [not to feel lonely] (9) , though she was alone.

  I wish all the foreigners in China to have a happy new year.

  上海市曹杨七中  浦正明

  评    语

  本文完整地记叙了生活中的一幕。用词及句子结构变化较丰富,时态、对话都较好地体现出了英语记叙文的特点。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)上文中有两个名词 the  classroom 和the dining-room,因此后文中的代词使用必须谨慎,重复一下名词,更清楚。此类情况在写作中要注意,避免指代不清。

  (2)、(3)原文不够确切,故改之。would-be意为“自以为要成为……的”,“自己想成为……的”,如:help a would-be football player to improve his technique 帮助一个想要成为足球运动员的人提高技术。

  (4)be drawing near更符合英语表达法。

  (5)在正式作文中不要随便用单词的缩略形式。

  (6)正确的句型是“No sooner+主谓倒装的过去完成式+than+ 一般过去时……”。原文漏了 No.

  (7)在“某人说”之类的引出直接引语的结构中,如某人是名词(the teacher),那么用 the teacher said或 said the teacher均可,但如果某人是代词(he),一般用 he said较好。

  (8)、(9)原文是典型的中国式英语,故改之。lonely是指“心情上”的“孤独感”,alone是指一个人,没有同伴。请体会下列句子:One may feel lonely even if he lives in a big city. One who is alone but good at enjoying himself may not feel lonely at all.

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