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Chicks

2006-07-29 15:38

  Two months ago Mother bought fifteen chicks for one yuan. These little fellows were really lovely.

  Unfortunately, eight of the chicks went to another [the other] (1) world one by one. At last only seven were left. One day when they were taking a walk in the sun on our balcony, one fell downstairs. I was in deep sorrow for several days. It was my fault not to take good care of them.

  The remaining chicks were growing up with each passing day. It was very funny to watch them eating. When I dropped some food they would rush to it, though some of them were not firm on their feet. They ran so fast that sometimes they fell, but they would quickly climb up [pick themselves up] (2) and joined in the fighting for the food again.

  One warm afternoon when I was back from school I found Mother's eyes red. Then I was told that two chicks had died while trying to swim in the water, I stood there dumbfounded (惊呆了)。“Damn! I should have taught you how to swim since you liked swimming,”I said to myself.

  Now there's only one chick left and I have given him an English name, Alger and take greater care of it. He's quite naughty. After I gave him some meat to eat he refused to have rice any more. I think this is something like us human beings. Sometimes he even jumps onto the chair to have a meal with us.

  Once I turned on the radio and Alger stood by as if he were enjoying the music. After a while he walked away. It seemed that he wasn't satisfied with the music. Now Alger has grown up and I regard him as one of the five members of my family, that is, my father, my mother, my brother, Alger and me.

  浙江省椒江一中高一(8)班  张丹

  评    语

  这是一篇富有情趣的文章。既详略有致地描述了养鸡的过程,同时又表现出了生命成长的艰辛。文章对鸡的动作的描述较为生动,行文轻松活泼,特别是“群鸡争食”,“Alger听音乐时的表现”等部分写得很成功,文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:

  (1)“另一世界”用 the other world表示,意为相对“我们这个活人世界”的另一个世界。

  (2)climb up的意思是“往上攀爬”,汉语的“爬起来”意思是“站起身来”的意思。

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