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A Little History

2006-09-08 09:58

    Some people find out they are Jews.

    They can't believe it.

    They had always hated Jews.

    As children they had roamed in gangs on winter nights in the old

    neighborhood, looking for Jews.

    They were not Jewish, they were Irish.

    They brandished broken bottles, tough guys with blood on their

    lips, looking for Jews.

    They intercepted Jewish boys walking alone and beat them up.

    Sometimes they were content to chase a Jew and he could elude

    them by running away. They were happy just to see him run

    away. The coward! All Jews were yellow.

    They spelled Jew with a small j jew.

    And now they find out they are Jews themselves.

    It happened at the time of the Spanish Inquisition.

    To escape persecution, they pretended to convert to Christianity.

    They came to this country and settled in the Southwest.

    At some point oral tradition failed the family, and their

    secret faith died.

    No one would ever have known if not for the bones that turned up

    on the dig.

    A disaster. How could it have happened to them?

    They are in a state of panic——at first.

    Then they realize that it is the answer to their prayers.

    They hasten to the synagogue or build new ones.

    They are Jews at last!

    They are free to marry other Jews, and divorce them, and intermarry

    with Gentiles, God forbid.

    They are model citizens, clever and thrifty.

    They debate the issues.

    They fire off earnest letters to the editor.

    They vote.

    They are resented for being clever and thrifty.

    They buy houses in the suburbs and agree not to talk so loud.

    They look like everyone else, drive the same cars as everyone else,

    yet in their hearts they know they're different.

    In every minyan there are always two or three, hated by     the others, who give life to one ugly stereotype or another:

    The grasping Jew with the hooked nose or the Ivy League Bolshevik

    who thinks he is the agent of world history.

    But most of them are neither ostentatiously pious nor

    excessively avaricious.

    How I envy them! They believe.

    How I envy them their annual family reunion on Passover,

    anniversary of the Exodus, when all the uncles and aunts and

    cousins get together.

    They wonder about the heritage of Judaism they are passing along

    to their children.

    Have they done as much as they could to keep the old embers

    burning?

    Others lead more dramatic lives.

    A few go to Israel.

    One of them calls Israel "the ultimate concentration camp."

    He tells Jewish jokes.

    On the plane he gets tipsy, tries to seduce the stewardess.

    People in the Midwest keep telling him reminds them of Woody

    Allen.

    He wonders what that means. I'm funny? A sort of nervous

    intellectual type from New York? A Jew?

    Around this time somebody accuses him of not being Jewish enough.

    It is said by resentful colleagues that his parents changed their

    name from something that sounded more Jewish.

    Everything he publishes is scrutinized with reference to "the

    Jewish question."

    It is no longer clear what is meant by that phrase.

    He has already forgotten all the Yiddish he used to know, and

    the people of that era are dying out one after another.

    The number of witnesses keeps diminishing.

    Soon there will be no one left to remind the others and their

    children.

    That is why he came to this dry place where the bones have come

    to life.

    To live in a state of perpetual war puts a tremendous burden on the

    population. As a visitor he felt he had to share that burden.

    With his gift for codes and ciphers, he joined the counter-

    terrorism unit of army intelligence.

    Contrary to what the spook novels say, he found it possible to

    avoid betraying either his country or his lover.

    This was the life: strange bedrooms, the perfume of other men's

    wives.

    As a spy he has a unique mission: to get his name on the front

    page of the nation's newspaper of record. Only by doing that

    would he get the message through to his immediate superior.

    If he goes to jail, he will do so proudly; if they're going to

    hang him anyway, he'll do something worth hanging for.

    In time he may get used to being the center of attention, but

    this was incredible:

    To talk his way into being the chief suspect in the most

    flamboyant murder case in years!

    And he was innocent!

    He could prove it!

    And what a book he would write when they free him from this prison:

    A novel, obliquely autobiographical, set in Vienna in the twilight

    of the Hapsburg Empire, in the year that his mother was born.

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