移动课堂
您的位置:外语教育网 > 英语四六级 > 备考指导 > 六级备考指导 > 正文

英语六级写作精彩点评

2010-09-14 10:51   来源:外语教育网       我要纠错 | 打印 | 收藏 | | |

  英语六级写作精彩点评,六级写作可谓是一大难点。写好六级作文,不仅要做大量的英语六级考试写作练习,还要掌握CET6写作技巧。现在,小编就为大家奉上英语六级写作精彩点评。

  写作中,你也犯这样的错误吗?

  为帮助各位网友更好地备考12月24日英语四六级作文考试,特对四六级写作存在的典型错误用例文进行精彩点评。由于下面一些例文中错误较多,点评时只是列举了部分的典型错误,而且为了保持原文面貌,编辑没有做过多的改动,所以欢迎大家一起来挑错,有问题一起讨论。

  英语四级作文题目:"Women in the Modern World"

  英语四级作文提纲:

  1. Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today.________

  2. With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. _______

  3. In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. _______

  例1.(得分:2分)

  Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Long age, women only did something in the kitchen or at home. Now many of them have serious jobs to serve for people. What men can do so can women.

  With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. Today in the family, the wife often lots her husband to do something at home bat ago, only women did something. Men are foned of doing something at home.

  In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Sometimes, the matter, the husband hitting has welf, often happened. In the factory the wonmen to as much as the men, but they are paid less than the men. Some people have not completely realized the liberation of women.

  具体问题剖析如下:

  (1)缺乏逻辑,东一句西一句,没有围绕中心论述,如第一段就没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变,说得太笼统而缺乏说服力。

  (2)用汉语思维,句子有明显的汉语痕迹,如“What men can do so can women.”,应改为“Women can do what men can do”。

  (3)衔接不自然,没有用适当的关联词,如“Sometimes, the matter, the husband hitting has welf, often happened”,应改为“The case that husb and hits his wife often happens. ”

  (4)拼写错误很多,大部分句子均有错误。

  例2.(得分:5分)

  Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. In today, many women have a work. They worked as well as men playing an important part in factories. There are many women in government also. They lead other people country, and make out plans. There are many scientist slso. They event new things to improve our life.

  With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. In ancient, women’s position in family is pity. They had to looks after their children, did every how husband ordered her to do. But now it is changed. They are equal to her husband. They have the right of speaking of idea, discussion thing with her husband, do what she wants to do.

  In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. We also should realize, women’ likerty are limited. For example, many factories want men become its workers but the chance of women is less than men. Everyone should do their best to change this condition. I’m sure, the liberation of women would be increased.

  点评:基本切题。但表达思想不清楚,连贯性差。有较多的严重语言错误。

  具体问题剖析:

  (1)各段围绕中心句论述不深入,没有说服力。

  (2)衔接不自然,没有用适当的关联词,如第一段几个句子之间可以用一些“besides”、“on the other hand”、“furthermore”、“in addition”等。

  (3)语言错误较多,很多句子不通顺,如“In today, many women have a work.”应改为“Today, many women get a job.”(滥用介词);“In ancient, women’s position in family is pity”中pity应改为pitiful(词形误用)等有多处错误。

  例3.(得分:8分)

  Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Many Women today are playing an important part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before. For an example. Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.

  With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. In the world today, more and more women have their own job. They get their own salary, and become more independent from their husband. With the economic situation improved, their family position is improving.

  In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do house works or do some shopping. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a manager of a company.

  点评:基本切题。有些地方表达思想不够清楚,文字勉强连贯;语言错误相当多,其中有一些是严重错误。

  具体问题剖析:

  (1)论证不够深入,缺少事例,缺少说服力。

  (2)文字缺连贯、且显累赘,如第二段可以把各句再改得简练一点并且有适当的转承词。

  (3)语言错误相当多,如“For an example”,“Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.”应改为“Some women are on longer secretaries in the office, instead, they become managers of the companies.”(单复数)

  例4.(得分:11分)

  Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. More and more women go to work to earn money instead of keeping the house or looking after the children. Women have entered many fields of society including scientific field. As we know, many women sports teams have won the world’s champions such as Chinese women’s Volleyball Team.

  With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. Husbands are not the masters of wives in many places. Husbands and wives are equal now. They join together to overcome difficulties and share happiness.

  In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men. They have little chance to find jobs. They don’t get equal pay for equal job. This is a problem must be solved not only by society but also by women themselves.

  点评:切题。表达思想清楚,文字连贯,用词比较准确,但有少量语言错误,如“Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men”,应改为“Also in some places,women are considered being the “things”that belong to men”

  例5.(得分:14分)

  Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. In Many countries, more and more women are acting as workers, farmers, scientists and even leaders. We can say that almost all jobs which men can do are done perfectly by women. Women are no longer looked down upon by society.

  With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. Husb and and wife are now equal in the family. They cope with problems of daily life together, and share happiness with each ther. Also, you can hardly find out that in today’s families, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men comfortably sitting in armchairs, reading newspapers.

  In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. A number of men still jealously guard their rights, and regard women as incapable creature. Few women are allowed to attend important international meetings dominated by men. That’s really the problems we should solve immediately.

  点评:切题。论证充分,有说服力,论证手段丰富(举例、正反)表达思想清楚,语言流畅,词汇丰富,连贯性好。用词准确,仅有个别小错误。

  推荐阅读:
  
英语六级写作原则
  
英语六级写作替换词
  
英语六级写作表达方法
  
英语六级写作经典句型
  
英语六级写作作文

  上一篇:  英语六级写作模拟卷预测

  下一篇:  英语六级作文注意事项

相关资讯:
网站导航:
 学位英语 指南 动态 经验 试题 资料  托福 指南 动态 考情 留学 复习
 雅思 指南 动态 机经 经验 辅导  公共英语 指南 动态 备考 试题 辅导
 日语 指南 资讯 辅导 留学 考试  法语 发音 词汇 语法 听说 阅读
 韩语 入门 口语 阅读 留学 文化  西语 口语 词汇 阅读 留学 风采

学位英语免费试听

更多>>
  • 四级辅导
  • 六级辅导
全科套餐
280元/门
超值优惠套餐=写作+词汇+听力+阅读+翻译+真题精讲班 70课时
词汇串讲 精讲大纲词汇,轻松记忆单词
课时数:10课时
阅读串讲 紧扣大纲要求,直达阅读高分
课时数:10课时
听力串讲 剖析解题秘笈,提升听力水平
课时数:10课时
写作串讲 解读命题规律,揭秘高分技巧
课时数:10课时
翻译串讲 梳理重要考点,提高应试能力
课时数:约6课时
真题精讲 讲授历年真题,直击命题精髓
课时数:24课时

网校介绍

更多>>

外语教育网(www.for68.com)是北京东大正保科技有限公司(CDEL)旗下一家大型外语远程教育网站,正保科技成立于2005年7月,是国内超大型外语远程教育基地,上榜“北京优质教育资源榜”--“百万读者推崇的网络教育机构”。


公司凭借雄厚的师资力量、先进的网络视频多媒体课件技术、严谨细致的教学作风、灵活多样的教学方式,为学员提供完整、优化的外语课程,既打破了传统面授的诸多限制,发挥了网络教育的优势,也兼顾面授的答疑与互动特点,为我国培养了大量优秀的外语人才。


为了满足学员学习不同语种、不同阶段的学习需求,网站开设了包括考试英语、行业英语、实用口语以及小语种在内的百余门语言学习课程,涵盖英语、日语、韩语、俄语、德语、法语、西班牙语、意大利语、阿拉伯语等主要语种,供学员自由选择。此外,网站还拥有各类外语专业信息和考试信息20余万条,是广大学员了解外语类考试最新政策、动态及参加各语种培训的优质网站。


北京东大正保科技有限公司成立于2000年,是一家具备网络教育资质、经教育部批准开展远程教育的专业公司,为北京市高新技术企业、中国十大教育集团、联合国教科文组织技术与职业教育培训在中国的唯一试点项目。


公司下属13家行业远程教育网站,业务涵盖了会计、法律、医学、建设、自考、成考、考研、中小学、外语、信息技术、汉语言教学等诸多领域,拥有办公面积8000多平米,员工近千人,公司年招生规模达270万人。由于正保远程教育(China Distance Education Holdings Ltd., CDEL)在中国互联网远程教育行业内的绝对优势和强大影响力,正保教育模式一直被广大投资人所追捧。2008年7月30日,公司在美国纽约证券交易所正式挂牌上市(股票交易代码:DL),是2008年唯一一家在美国纽交所上市的专业从事互联网远程教育的中国企业。


精彩推荐

版权声明
   1、凡本网注明 “来源:外语教育网”的所有作品,版权均属外语教育网所有,未经本网授权不得转载、链接、转贴或以其他方式使用;已经本网授权的,应在授权范围内使用,且必须注明“来源:外语教育网”。违反上述声明者,本网将追究其法律责任。
  2、本网部分资料为网上搜集转载,均尽力标明作者和出处。对于本网刊载作品涉及版权等问题的,请作者与本网站联系,本网站核实确认后会尽快予以处理。
  本网转载之作品,并不意味着认同该作品的观点或真实性。如其他媒体、网站或个人转载使用,请与著作权人联系,并自负法律责任。
  3、本网站欢迎积极投稿
  4、联系方式:
编辑信箱:for68@chinaacc.com
电话:010-82319999-2371