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英语美文阅读:窥测内心

2013-02-22 15:13

导语:跟着外语教育网的小编走进英语美句,在不知不觉中提高英语!

窥测内心

Then I said to my mind, "Show me your anger now." One by one, my life's every incident of anger rose and made itself known. Every injustice, every betrayal, every loss, every rage. I saw them all, one by one, and I acknowledged their existence. I felt each piece of anger com-pletely, as if it were happening for the first time, and then I would say, "Come into my heart now. You can rest there. It's safe now. It's over. I love you." This went on for hours, and I swung between these mighty poles of opposite feelings—experiencing the anger thoroughly for one bone-rattling moment, and then experiencing a total coolness, as the anger entered my heart as if through a door, laid itself down, curled up against its brothers and gave up fighting.

Then came the most difficult part. "Show me your shame," I asked my mind. Dear God, the horrors that I saw then. A pitiful parade of all my failings, my lies, my selfishness, jealousy, arrogance. I didn't blink from any of it, though. "Show me your worst," I said. When I tried to invite these units of shame into my heart, they each hesitated at the door, saying, "No—you don't want me in there . . . don't you know what I did?" and I would say, "I do want you. Even you. I do. Even you are welcome here. It's OK. You are forgiven. You are part of me. You can rest now. It's over."

When all this was finished, I was empty. Nothing was fighting in my mind anymore. I looked into my heart, at my own goodness, and I saw its capacity. I saw that my heart was not even nearly full, not even after having taken in and tended to all those calamitous urchins of sorrow and anger and shame; my heart could easily have received and forgiven even more. Its love was infinite.

I knew then that this is how God loves us all and receives us all, and that there is no such thing in this universe as hell, except maybe in our own terrified minds. Because if even one broken and limited human being could experience even one such episode of absolute forgiveness and acceptance of her own self, then imagine—just imagine!—what God, in all His eternal compassion, can forgive and accept.

I also knew somehow that this respite of peace would be temporary. I knew that I was not yet finished for good, that my anger, my sadness and my shame would all creep back eventu-ally, escaping my heart, and occupying my head once more. I knew that I would have to keep dealing with these thoughts again and again until I slowly and determinedly changed my whole life. And that this would be difficult and exhausting to do. But my heart said to my mind in the dark silence of that beach: "I love you, I will never leave you, I will always take care of you." That promise floated up out of my heart and I caught it in my mouth and held it there, tasting it as I left the beach and walked back to the little shack where I was staying. I found an empty notebook, opened it up to the first page—and only then did I open my mouth and speak those words into the air, letting them free. I let those words break my silence and then I allowed my pencil to document their colossal statement onto the page: "I love you, I will never leave you, I will always take care of you."

Those were the first words I ever wrote in that private notebook of mine, which I would carry with me from that moment forth, turning back to it many times over the next two years, always asking for help—and always finding it, even when I was most deadly sad or afraid. And that notebook, steeped through with that promise of love, was quite simply the only reason I survived the next years of my life. Eat, Pray, Love

而后我对自己的心说:"现在让我看看你的愤怒。"我生命中的每一段愤怒插曲都一一出现,介绍自己。每一个误解,每一个背叛,每一个失落,每一个愤怒。我一一看见它们,对它们的存在表示认可。我彻底感受每一个愤怒,仿佛头一遭发生,然后我说:"现在进入我的心来吧。你可以在此歇息。现在安全了,都过去了。我爱你。"如此持续数小时,我在这些对立的感受之间摇来荡去——前一刻彻底体验震撼人心的愤怒,下一刻却又在愤怒走进我的心门、躺下来、舒服地蜷伏在兄弟身边、停止争斗之时,体验到完全的冷静。

接着,最困难的部分到来了。"让我看看你羞愧的事。"我向我的心提出要求。天啊,随后我看见这些令人惧怕的事。我卑贱的失败、谎言、自私、嫉妒、傲慢一一展现出来。然而我并未逃避。"让我看看你最糟的部分。"当我把这些羞愧部分请入我的心,它们各个都在门口犹豫起来,说:"不——你不要让我进去吧……你难道不明白我做了什么?"我说:"我真的要你。即使是你,真的,甚至连你也欢迎来到这里。没事了。你得到原谅。你是我的一部分。现在你可以歇息,都过去了。"

这一切都结束之后,我已成空。我心中不再有任何争斗。我探查自己的心,审查自己的美德,我看见内心的容量。我看见我的心甚至尚未饱和,甚至在收容那些不幸的哀伤、愤怒与羞愧之后;我的心可以轻而易举地接受更多,宽容更多。它的爱无穷无尽。

那时我才明白,这是神爱吾等、接受吾等的方式,宇宙间没有所谓地狱这回事,或许除了在我们自己饱受惊吓的内心当中才有。因为即使一个衰弱、有限的人,也能够体验这种绝对宽恕与自我接受的插曲,那么请你想象——只需想象就好——无量慈悲的神所能给予的宽恕与包容。

我还知道,这段暂时的平静只是一时。我知道我仍未完全解决,我的愤怒、我的哀伤以及我的羞愧,最后仍将悄悄回来,逃离我的心,再次占据我的脑袋。我知道自己必须持续再三对付这些想法,直到慢慢决心改变自身的整个生活。我也明白这是艰难、劳累的事情。然而在黑暗寂静的海边,我的心对我的脑子说:"我爱你,我永不离开你,我会永远照顾你。"这承诺从我的心浮上来,我张口拦截它,含在嘴里,品尝它,离开海边,走回我暂住的小屋。我找来一本空白笔记本,翻开第一页——这时我才张口说话,让言语在空气中自由。我让这些话打破沉默,而后用铅笔在纸页上记下巨大的声明:"我爱你,我永不离开你,我会永远照顾你。"

这是我在自己的私人笔记本上写下的第一段文字。从今以后,它将与我随身而行,在接下来的两年,我将多次回到它身旁,始终请求协助——也始终能找到它,即使在我最哀伤、恐惧的时刻。而这本浸染了爱的承诺的笔记本,绝对是我熬过接下来几年生活的唯一理由。

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